Houston vs Kansas City Play by Play

Qwerinty

houston's coach is forced to experience every minute as if it were only a second long for the next quarter as a penalty for smashing a kansas city player's protective runes off

Qwerinty

it takes the striped wizard half the game to figure out kansas city placed a hex on houston that creates an invisible wall whenver houston kicks or throws the ball more than 5 yards. as written by the high elders, he can only punish them for the last two plays.

ron color

houston is not reachable by any road, except by a referee pure of heart

Qwerinty

after it was discovered that houston's star running back's victory dance was actually an arcane ritual to steal the speed of his opponents, all victory dances or chants were outlawed. it's brought a somber and all too human feel to this year's sportsball game

Qwerinty

kansas city's quarterback is really showing his age this year, especially since he forgot to speak latin backwards during the pre-game psych-up. personally i think it's funny his dentures fly out after throwing the ball.

Qwerinty

where the hell's the ref? is he blind? that guy just tore out a bit of the other dude's hair and started mashing it into a weird paste. you KNOW they banned thaumaturgic contagion links last year, ref! You KNOW THIS

ron color

every time houston found themselves in scoring position one thought burned through the kansas city defense: what the heck is the texan mascot. is it a star devil

Qwerinty

the ref just threw 4 yellow flags to form an upside down pentagram in front of one of the players and sucked him into the Pit. the coach has called a time out to bargain his soul for the player's return

Qwerinty

kansas city is playing fucking dirty, man, they trapped the running back's mind in an illusory world where his family was still alive

Qwerinty

just at the moment of defeat, when all hope was lost, the kicker took a knee and asked everyone on earth to pray for the him. to pray for the future. the hopes and dreams reach the kicker and the game enters overtime

Qwerinty

that was a touching moment of silence for the player from when the football transmuted into a bowling ball in mid flight

ron color

me: what happened to jeremy maclin's knee? it didnt look like he landed very hard

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Qwerinty

kansas had to make some hard decisions in the draft, but it paid off to get Amazemer, the wax mustachioed man in the top hat who can make the ball disappear in mid air only to be pulled out of his hat