The Battle of the Stupidest Rifts Characters

Zack's Stupidest #2

Tobar Pokorny the Gypsy Wizard Thief

From Rifts Worldbook 5 Triax and the NGR

Zack: Worldbook 5 includes several gypsy classes, all of which are thieves or scam artists, but I went with the one that sounded most like a muttered epithet in a Hungarian tavern.

Steve: A thief and a wizard is living the dream. Is gypsy the race?

Zack: Nope! Broad category. According to the book, only 50% of gypsies are even humans, 40% are from other dimensions and 10% are monsters or aliens. And believe it or not, the percentage of monsters and aliens has actually gone down from our world, where a solid 30% are either fake fortune telling Frankensteins, vampires or pickpocketing xenomorphs.

Steve: Does this Tobar guy have powers?

Zack: Yeah, but hang on. Let me give you his back story. Tobar was stolen from good people when he was a baby. Raised among the gypsies as one of their own, he quickly adapted to their ways. He fell in love with a beguiling gypsy tentacle monster and decided to make an honest trashing horror pile out of her. Unfortunately, she was murdered by a mob for placing a hex on a baseball team. Since then he has sought revenge for her death. By stealing gems.

Zack: His powers are mostly related to ley lines, although he can learn spells as he advances.

Steve: Hang on, it says in the book that one of his powers is "ley line phasing" which is teleporting. Your dude can teleport.

Steve: I've got you beat.

Zack: Not so fast. Yours might be stupid, but it's only racist against sasquatches. Mine is racist against creatures that are probably real.

Steve: Racist maybe, but we're competing for stupidest so I win this one easily. Your guy can teleport, my sasquatch has a special psychic power worse than an app on a cell phone.

Zack: Alllright, I concede defeat.