Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 1)

Unexpected Life Cycle Award

Zack: To be clear: before a will-o-wisp turns into a ball of energy it is a shape changer that poses as the creepy naked guy who follows you around trying to sell your girlfriend a friendship bracelet at Burning Man.

Steve: Hairy butt man is just one of many forms. He could be a goblin or a kobold or even a man with no hair at all.

Zack: That guy was at Burning Man too.

Steve: Was The Burning Man that movie where they put the bee helmet on Nicolas Cage? That movie ruled. He was like, "Aawwwgh beeeees!" Ha ha.

Zack: Alright, I just looked this thing up on Google because we got angry emails for making fun of mythical creatures. There really was an old English mythical creature called a boggart, but it was more like a mischievous asshole faerie that broke into your house and pissed in your milk or scared your cow or whatever.

Steve: No hairy butts wagging in the night?

Zack: Wikipedia says, "It is said that the boggart crawls into people's beds at night and puts a clammy hand on their faces."

Steve: Do you think that would cause 2-12 points of electricity damage?

Zack: Have you ever left the window open at night when it's warm, but around two in the morning you wake up and it's really cold?

Steve: Yeah, that happened a couple days ago.

Zack: How much electricity damage did you take?

Steve: None I don't think. Maybe 1 point at the most.

Zack: This is the same sort of thing.

Steve: But I didn't wake up with some creepy dude rubbing my face.

Zack: What about a kobold or goblin?

Steve: No but one time I had a dream that the guy from Hall and Oates was force feeding me oatmeal. That was pretty creepy.

Zack: Which one?

Steve: It was Oates, duh.

Zack: You should see a doctor right away.