This article is part of the Five Dollar Art Treasures series.


Five dollars can go a long way when you're outfitting your house, apartment, or thatched bog dwelling with gorgeous and original artwork. This Memorial Day we're asking you to dig a little deeper as you search out some fine art bargains that will demonstrate your absolute support for our precious troops (may God Bless Them and Thank Them).

American Mind Soldier ACEO Surrealism Canvas Havlock
by joeyhavlock

click to enlarge
Price: US $5.00
Dimensions: 8 x 10 inches
Medium: Acrylic
Seller's Description: "The visions I pursue are cutting edge, have immediate shock value and use simplistic geometric shape and form. My Creations are my children, they are my representations of moments and periods in time. Like songs, my works move me emotionally, spiritually and physically."
We Say

In Joe Havlock's powerful depiction of the mind of an American soldier an eyeless default Poser model rises from a star-spangled reflecting pool. Or is he up to his neck and steeped in patriotism? A haphazardly-applied American flag texture wraps around this eyeless death-mask of a face, deforming the red stripes of the flag so that they resemble streaks of blood or possibly the Coca-Cola logo. A gray, stormy sky hangs overhead and the horizon, America's horizon, is ominously black. A thoughtfully patriotic image for fans of mid-1990s computer animation to celebrate the troops and/or NURBS.


Original Colored Pencil Drawing Soldier Military Flags
by letetcia

click to enlarge
Price: US $35.00
Dimensions: 10 x 8 inches
Medium: Colored Pencils
Seller's Description: "I Miss my soldier is an original by Luke Foster. This piece was inspired by dear friends of ours. They are seperated by countries and a war, their bond is inspiring. We miss our soldiers and are looking forward to their return. This piece can be drawn and personalized with a name or message directly for your soldier."
We Say

Dystopian commentary creeps into this seemingly innocuous image. Welcome to the Forever War. Crossed flags of the USA depicting 110 and 100 stars suggest a future in which American imperialism has extended to annexation and escalated to the point that we can no longer even be certain how many states belong to our nation. I <3 MISS MY SOLDIER. In this tomorrow a constant conflict consumes the world as the American war machine rages on a dozen fronts and in a hundred nations. Soldiers may be asked to spend ten years or twenty fighting in battles against the omni-enemy. Every able man and woman is asked to serve or to produce more offspring to feed the cannibal jaws of the beasts of war. I love and miss my soldier, and I was/will be one.


WALL CLOCK MILITARY DESIGN
by timedecoclocks

click to enlarge
Price: US $56.25
Dimensions: 12 inches
Medium: Acrylic and Clock
Seller's Description: "Wall clock, Military design. "MARINE CORPS". 50 dots to represent the States. Hand painted on fiber board. Mixed media. Functional Wall Decor. "
We Say

From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli to the garage, because your wife won't let you hang this clock in the kitchen or at the top of the staircase where it belongs. A disc of plywood painted to resemble a USO set following a mortar attack is enhanced with a USMC logo. Precision plastic keeps the hour and reminds forgetful family members that you served in the greatest branch of the US Armed Forces. Your buddies didn't die face down in the sand so some hippie crab apple in your family tree can breeze into your house and determine the approximate time without being reminded, thoroughly, that you fought for the US of A.


Military Soldier Original Wire Line Drawing
by 48stefanie
click to enlarge
Price: US $75.00
Dimensions: 11 x 14 inches
Medium: Wire
Seller's Description: "This is a unique wire line drawing of a soldier. I began by drawing a design and then recreating it with black wire. The wire brings the drawing to life and lifts it away from the background. 11"x14" army green matting with black frame. Excellent condition."
We Say

In this economy 75 bucks seems like a lot of money for a wire some lady bent into the shape of a soldier and put in a frame, but that's because you're thinking like a penny-pincher and not an art connoisseur. 48stefanie's powerful image of a soldier of some sort carrying something similar to an M-16 reminds us that we often view our brave troops as outlines. Faceless, simplified cartoons to be appreciated only on the surface.

The real American soldier isn't some figure made out of twisted wire, he is a complex individual human. He likes to drunk drive and throw rocks and cats. He wiped out doing a wheelie on his brother's Harley and then pushed it down a ditch and pretended some Mexican kids stole it. He caught two veneral diseases in one night from two different female truck drivers and then he brought them home to his wife, who was cheating on him anyway with another soldier and had a pustulating payload of her own to serve up. The real American soldier likes to drink and if you see him drinking unless you are a hot chick with C-cups or better do not ask him how many people he killed or he will have a code red freakout on your stupid ass.


Tiger Face Soldier, Original Oil Painting
by decktheheart
click to enlarge
Price: US $9.00
Dimensions: 20 x 24 inches
Medium: Oil
Seller's Description: Subject: Animals
Style: Realism
We Say

Many cultures believe humans are connected to spirit animals. Tigers might symbolize virility, strength, elegance, or a violent temper. In Hong Kong the Chinese believe Americans are literally tigers. Humanoid tigermen called Dhozhao Wu, sent forth from a capitalist devil realm where humans are transformed into gold coins by the magic of the tigermen and these are eaten to gain power. This extremely realistic depiction of US military aggression is somewhat spoiled by the usage of incorrect uniforms and insignia. The tigerman's belt is clearly from a tigerman infantry NCO's uniform and the sleeveless vest belongs to a staff officer's uniform. Otherwise an excellent addition to your room full of oil paintings of anthropomorphic animals shooting guns.


GOD'S PROTECTION for AMERICAN SOLDIERS Art
by art-galleria
click to enlarge

Price:
US $49.00
Dimensions: 9.5 x 13 inches
Medium: Giclee fine-art print
Seller's Description: "'God's Protection - An American Soldier's Hiding Place and Shield'"

~ Bible Verse printed beneath image: "Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word." (Psalm 119:114)

~ the artwork illustrates divine protection in military service for those trusting God's Word

~ this section of Psalm 119 begins with the Hebrew letter Samek ('s') which is in the shape of a 360 degree shield

~ the shield of protection appears in the encircling shape of the Samek!

We Say

Bible artist Douglas Rickard pays tribute to a classic religious photograph of our troops often seen in email forwards and on websites with American flag GIFs by exactly copying it onto a canvas. The understated Christian patriot imagery of a heavily-armed American soldier praying is expertly enhanced with the addition of a giant, glowing swoosh of Bible magic that occupies half of the canvas. Perhaps realizing that his audience might not understand the subtleties of this symbol, Doug has provided his own "helping hand" to art fans in the form of the relevant Bible verse layered directly over the image. A prayerful and ingenious way to celebrate our Christian Armed Forces this Memorial Day.


Every installment of Five Dollar Art Treasures we single out one very special painting that is too good of a deal to be passed up. We call it our GREAT BUY.

$$ GREAT BUY $$

WAR SOLDIER ORIGINAL PAINTING USA 911 PEACE MILIATARY
by trpytv

click to enlarge
Price: US $650
Dimensions: Medium (Up to 30")
Medium: Acrylic
Seller's Description: "Of all the important things I may have said in my life, thus far. I don't believe i've ever said anything more important than the way I say it in my paintings". -SANDY MARTIN

"It is my mission in this life, to not only leave behind one piece of art, but many pieces that last for millions of years, that will be found in the Phoenix ash until I rise again". -TIM PHOENIX

Watch the painting being made.

We Say

Rock and rolling artists and meth bar regulars Sandy Martin and Time Phoenix together form the high-energy art collective of One Black Rose. $650 is a high point of entry compared to our usual bargain selections, but they included a video and their daring composition is not to be missed. They uniquely juxtapose military and peace imagery by combining the green-uniformed warrior and his sword with a peace symbol actually applied to his uniform like a patch. What are the men and women in uniform really fighting for if not peace? War is never an end, it is only a means, and by subverting the peace symbol to their fascist purposes they propose a one-world power dominating its foes beneath the sword of its armies. Peace, goes the saying, through superior firepower.


We are always on the lookout for more bargain art. If you spot a painting worth including in a future installment please send me an email.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful