Jim & Karen's wedding is going to be the event of the season! Here's some ways to learn you're not invited.
When you ask Jim where they're registered, he tells you, "In Hell."
Karen runs up to you and shouts, "GuynotinvitedtomyweddingsaysWHAT?" and you say, "What?" and she smiles.
At the rehearsal dinner, everyone "rehearses" turning the lights out and being really quiet in case you show up.
Jim tells you it's a "destination wedding," and that the destination is "pain," and then he beats the shit out of you.
When you ask Karen if the wedding's open bar, she transforms into a magic mist and escapes through the floorboards.
In lieu of gifts, they ask that attendees, "Stop you from entering at all costs."
The "Save The Date" they send you? Filled with bees.
They ask you to watch their dog while they're out "getting married" at a "wedding" that "you are not invited to."
All your friends are tweeting #JimKarenWedding, #FuckThisGuy, and a photo of you.
You're not particularly close with either Jim or Karen. In fact, you barely see them anymore. Also, you didn't invite them to your wedding! Still...the balls on those two.
–
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Ben Carson Would Murk a Gunman and Other Carson Solutions That Would Definitely Work
- My Tattoos Have Made Me the Most Unique Person on Earth. Now I Feel Utterly Alone
- PACK OF DOGS
- Ready For A Stand By Me Remake? How About Eight?
- Magneto's Advice Column