A LOOK AT TEH UPCOMEING CONSOUL WARES!!!!!!!!1

BY JEFF K,!!!!!!!!!!

PAGE 1

hello AS yuo haev probaly noticed, I have not updated my WEBPAEG in a vary long tiem!!! thes si becuase I was BUSSEY LIEK A BUG and working vary hard! I gots a job workeing at teh Vons grocarey store in Lancastar and I works a lot there! I push carts into teh creek and eat candy all day!!! AND then my boss Mistar Milkweek says "JEFF K YUO GET BACK TOO WORK OR IM GOING TO FIER YUO!" and I say "OKAY MR. MILKWEEK" and then I go into teh parking lot and push more carts into teh creak! But now I finally wrote a colaumn about TEH UPCOMEING CONSOULS so yuo know witch too buys, teh Snoy Playstatian 2, Gamecube, or whatevar that othar one is by Microsoft, the Ex Box or whatevar. so hear it is!!!!

A LOOK AT THE SONEY PLAYSTARTIAN 2!!!

Teh Platstatian 2 is teh sequal too teh Playstatian 1 which was made by Snoy. They used to make car stereos and CD playars and hairdryers but then they decided to makes a GAME MACHENE becuase 3D0 and NEOGEO were makeing video game machenes too and hey, yuor machene cant get any crappyier than those. Soon Snoy made teh Playstatian and nobodey baught it, but then peopel started buying it becuase drugs dealers playaed them allot. DRUG DEALERS AND FOOTBALL PLAYARS SAY "Hey I just scored a touchdown and sold a pound of crack, NOW LETS PLAY GRAND TOURISTMO!!! LEGEND 7!!!" All teh games for teh Playstartian are in Japaneese becuase the Japanese are geting lazy and dont bothar translating games to AMERMICAN anymore becuase drugs dealars and football playars cant reads anyways.

SO teh Playstatian solds a lot of machenes becuase of an agressive marketing stragety and becuase drug dealers have a lot of money from PIMPIN HORSE!!! I MEAN HORS!!! OR HOWEVAR YUO SPELL IT!!! then the Japsanese saids that they should probaly build anothar one because the Playstatian 1 has PIXELS TEH SIZE OF BUMPER CARS and so they builds teh Playah Hatah Statian 2 for rap stars and drugs dealars and retired football heros.

Teh PS2, or Playstartin 2 as I calls it, costs $299.91 and yuo cant buy it anywhere except ebay because they made a deal with Snoy too only make 9 units and sell them through eBay. Then eBay buys them and makes teh price $200,000 and rappers and computar nerds buy them becuase they get a lot of moneys from playaing teh ponys. The PLS2 can play Playstatian 1 games but why would yuo want too becuase theyre all games about Japaneese guys with long hair and a GIANT SWORD TO SAVE TEH WORALD FROM TEH SPACE GRUBS!!11 and roll playing games too which are equalley for peopal of teh fagort variety:

JAPANEESE CLOWN: "WE MUST SAVE TEH EARTH!"
JAPENESE HERO: "yes I will uses magic to fireball teh king's army"

HE SHOTS FIREBALLS CAST A SPELL

JAPENESE WOMAN WITH BUG EYES: "yuo saved teh world now hear si anothar movie to watch"

and all the games are just movies too watch that yuo cant control! BECAUSE DRUGS DEALARS AND RAP STARS ARE TOO HIGH AS A KITE TO MASH BUTTONS AND PALAY TEH GAME!!!!!!~

there are not maney games for teh Platstaitan 2 becuase nobody lieks too program for it becuase Snoy WONT TELL ANYBODY HOW THERE CODE WORKS!!! TRADE INDUSTRY SECRAT!!! teh programmers sends an emale to Snoy asking "Please Mr. Sony, tell me how to make teh color green" and then they get an emale back saying "GO FALL OFF TEH EARTH, DINOSAUR JERK" becuase Snoy only wants movies to be made fro teh Playstatian 2, not games. thats why it palays DVDs and FINAL FANTAPESTRY 13561 witch si just a movie about transvestiets with HATS/ also all teh games flicker and look liek turds because Soney wants a TRIPPY EXPERIENCE for teh druggies.

UPCOMEING GAMES FOR PLAYSTATIANS 2:

I dont know what they are, they all sounds liek some shit. except GAUNTLET which is a wondarful engineering feat becuase yuo can shoot teh food! WIZARD SHOT TEH FOOD! I shot teh food all the tiem when Jerry was playaing and about to died, then a ghost flew into him and he died and I threw a book at his head and Jerry ran home and fell down on teh way!!! WHAT A MONGROSAL!!!!

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