The velvet hoods are now mandatory for all classes and on-campus activities. Do not remove them for any reason.
We're not going to solve gun massacres with bad manners, people.
The guns are gone. Now what happens to all those paper targets? Don't tell me you forgot about the paper targets. The ones hanging from little clips on fancy clotheslines at shooting ranges. With no guns to destroy these legions of paper bastards, they go unchecked.
Grimy horror growler Rob Zombie's scariest music videos finally ranked to warn your children.
As your manager, I couldn't help but notice that productivity is a little low this month, and I think we can leverage this zombie situation to strengthen our teamwork skills.
The only twelve-step program I want to take are the twelve steps it takes to get me out of this room. Give or take a few steps.
Vulture landed an incredible interview with legendary musician and Muppet Rowlf. We break down his wildest claims.
You have four supply, four lemonades, and four profits. You sell them all for two profits. That's pure profit.
All the dirt on the latest thing the President did that you'll forget about in two days.
The Nunes Memo has leaked and it will change the way you view our country forever!
The XFL is coming back in 2020 and I have some ideas for the future of the league.
Cardboard. Seems like an odd material to base a product around, right? You might think it's less durable than plastic, and you're absolutely right. Players won't be able to use Labo inside of a running industrial shredder, as that could potentially damage the cardboard.
Watching a slimy merman and a janitor knock boots for 30 seconds is uncomfortable. Watching that same clip on a loop for days and creating audio for it can break you.
Where is the TomTom Navigator now? 40.7 Latitude, -74 Longitude
Dissatisfied Star Wars fans have taken the women out of the Last Jedi with a new fan edit. They won't stop there.
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
Get in on the ground floor of the hottest new crypto currency sweeping Earthrealm!
Those geniuses in Silicon Valley have done it again and unlocked the true power of chicken.
As you may have heard on the news or from your town crier, all the computer chips stopped working. There was a flaw. It got in there at the very beginning of computers and as chips got faster and smaller the flaw became more powerful and harder to see.
Gentle Creature rescinds his support for Gentle Creature Zuckerberg and turns his attention to the gentlest boy in the whole world.
If global warming is real, why does the Hoth sequence of Empire Strikes Back look exactly the same as it did when the movie first came out?
Jeff Foxworthy's humor endures the waning light of civilization on The Road.
Everybody loves lists! Everybody loves articles about how to get a girlfriend and do the dirty things with her! Everybody loves articles about the upcoming new year!
Missed Christmas? Retain your few remaining friendships with our handy guide.
Cernovich "not surprised" and "had no doubt" Cernovich would boldly succeed where all others have failed.
You might think the Magic Leap headset is understated and not at all ridiculous-looking, but it wasn't always so perfect.
Levi has lost a series of jobs in the Trump administration, been kicked off K-street, and forced to try a daring heist with the help of Track Palin.
My therapist says that writing letters to someone, even someone who doesn't exist, can help one explore their feelings. I'm just not sure why I chose you, the final boss of the 1989 arcade game Midnight Resistance.
Nothing but the most convenient for the outer rung of your circle of friends.
So you've been following this "Bitcoin" craze (otherwise known as cryptozoology), and you've watched the price of your precious Bitcoins rise from $28 to its current price of over $270 trillion. Now you're ready to cash out and live the good life, because as Notch has shown us all, money can easily buy happiness. Also fatness.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
To celebrate this week's announcement of Mega Man 11 - the first Mega Man game since Mega Man 6 on the NES - let's remember all the terrific bosses we've faced in this beloved series!
The people are not clicking through to comment on our Kinja articles. I am sorry. We are pivoting to the Strange Object.
Serial killers: they're just like you and me.
Some Fish Are Just. Too. Big. To. Kiss.
My family wasn't interested in memes or racial theory. No matter how hard I tried to connect with them, they proved extremely intolerant.
This week, I'll be playing an '80s arcade rom rumored to be a CIA mind-control experiment. Please like and subscribe!
I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
What you need is a cramped cargo hold that is an absolute pain in the ass to use. We're talking about a dusty half-closet that forces you to rearrange your entire collection of vests and striped pants to make room for a single crate of iridium jizz flutes.
Incorrect quotes are commonly attributed to historical figures and even contemporary politicians and celebrities. If we're done with reality, then let's use that to our advantage.
You're looking at the most popular tweet of all time. 28K retweets. 54K likes. Nothing comes close. For comparison, the second most popular tweet comes from president Barack Obama, trailing far behind with a mere 1.7K retweets and 4.6K likes.
Wait, so is the competition seriously not happening AT ALL this year???
The Hell Skeletons are here and people have some thoughts about their unholy rampage.
You tried, but you failed. And I'm here to tell you how in excruciating detail.