INT - JEDI COUNCIL CHAMBER
Anakin stands inside a circle of powerful and weird looking
Jedi. Some of them are really weird looking and have things
protruding from their heads. Yoda and the black guy are there
and they look stern. Obie Wan has his hand on Anakin's shoulder.

YODA
Anakin, you have disappointed us you have.

ANAKIN
I feel no need to defend my actions to you, greenie.

YODA
Excuse me, you must. Call me Greenie, did you?

ANAKIN
That's right, you're a greenie. You're green as a tree!

YODA
Hardly think I am green do I. Skin colored am I.

OBIE WAN
Master Yoda, I am afraid the boy is right. You are green.

YODA
Impossible this is. Black man Jedi, a mirror you will get
for me you will.

BLACK MAN
Here is your mirror, master Yoda.

The black Jedi hands a looking glass to Yoda who contemplates it
sternly.

YODA
Many things I am... but green I am not.

ANAKIN
YES YOU ARE GREEN! YOU ARE AS GREEN AS AN AVACADO!

OBIE WAN
This is hardly a concern to us now. Yoda, you are green.
Now tell the boy what you have decided.

YODA
But I... Anakin, you are hereby kicked out of the Jedi
you are. No longer will you practice the force you will.

ANAKIN
I don't have to do what you say! I am a man now! I got a
girl pregnant even, but Obie Wan stole my baby and now
he won't tell me where it is! Is that right? No!

YODA
Really steal his baby did you?

OBIE WAN
The baby was given to me, and I took it to a safe place
where Anakin will never think to go because he's been
there several times already.

ANAKIN
He even named my baby without asking me.

OBIE WAN
I could tell its name just by looking at it. This is the
way of the force.

YODA
Name it Luke, did he?

ANAKIN
That's right... how did you know?

YODA
He names everything Luke he does. Even his dog named Luke
it is.

OBIE WAN
Well it's a good name is all. Now let's get back to the
point. We're kicking Anakin out of the Jedi.

YODA
Anakin, right he is. Now give me your midichlorians you
will.

ANAKIN
But I thought they were in my blood? That's what Queegon
said.

OBIE WAN
Queegon was an idiot. They're in your teeth.

YODA
Take the boy's teeth we must.

ANAKIN
No! You're not getting my teeth! You'll have to go through
my mustache first!

Anakin spins around and punches Obie Wan in the face! He pulls the
black guy's lightsaber off of his belt with The Force and turns it
on and runs out of the room. Obie Wan gets up, dumbfounded.

YODA
Go! You must capture him you will!

OBIE WAN
But he could be anywhere by now!

Anakin leans back in the door

ANAKIN
(Shouts) Hey Obie Wan, Luke is a really queer name, when
I find him I'm going to call him Chappie!

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful