At a Glance:Inspired by the cretins in our "Fuck You And Die" forum who created their own manga - one which is far too offensive for us to print here - I have decided to tackle the genre of Japanese comics. Since I lack much in the way of artistic ability, as can be plainly seen by the frequent appearances of a certain overly square jawed protagonist, I will fictionalize the genre so as to require much less in the way of art. If you're not familiar with manga count yourself lucky, since it consists mainly of incredibly unrealistic romantic comedy intermingled with sometimes with the hardcore sex and fantasy of themes of hentai. Good manga does exist, but we'll overlook all of that and point our sensors in the direction of the endless sea of blight that Japan pumps out in manga and every single other fucking form of entertainment. Naturally my writing might be effected by my months of playing hentai games, only time will tell!
Literary Hack Sub-Genre: “Erotic” Manga Medley
Chapter One - Ogataka High School ArrivalDari Armostrongo is happy to be going to his first day of high school at Ogataka High.Dari Armostrongo had just turned eighteen and had moved with his single mother to the town of Ogtaka near Hokkaido. He had many bold and sassy aspirations to become a corporate executive at the Motohochi toy company, which was the largest employer in the entire town. Getting a job was the number one priority for all students in Japan. I used the past tense there but getting a job still is the number one priority unless you're reading this after a nuclear apocalypse or Japan finally got conquered by the bird people in which case the number one priority of all Japanese students is to escape the enslavement of the bird people. Dari was not concerned with such lofty goals and aspirations as overthrowing the bird people overlords; he was set only on making new friends on his first day at Ogataka High School.
His mother woke him up as usual by running into his room and pulling the sheet off the bed and screaming, then blushing because he was naked and had an erection, then he woke up and saw his mom blushing and realized he was naked and his nose began to bleed. His mother quickly punched him against a wall because he was being a pervert! He knew she was just overreacting. They had sex nearly every week because she knew that the only way to contain the evil spirits of his ancestors within his loins was to frequently release them from the mortal coil. She told him that it was their little secret, even though one time she brought her sister over and they both had sex with him at the same time, it just felt right.
That didn't mean that Dari was content just having sex with his mother. No self-respecting Japanese schoolboy would be satisfied only with the hot offering of their devoted mother. They also had to sample the delicacy of their high school, of course only traveling to the buffet if it was over 18 years of age. As Dari dressed for school he hoped that his local high school would have the most attractive girls imaginable, although his mother was very pretty with large breasts.She fell into a puddle.On the walk to school he splashed through the puddles that had formed over night during the sudden rain storm. It was called a "spirit rain" and at this time of year it usually meant that strange things were in the air and spirits were also amok! Just as he approached the bus stop he felt himself being thrust into the air by a powerful collision. When he regained his senses he nearly lost them again because a beautiful and also sexy blue-haired maiden had been shoved to the ground directly into a puddle by his carelessness. The fluids were oozing down her thighs in rivulets and in her distress she had become very immodest and he could see the damp patch on her panties, with the wet pool spreading beneath her. This was not the way he had intended to introduce himself to the local student body, although the student body was quite nice HAHAHAHA!
"My name is Dari, I am so sorry to knock you over!" Said Dari as he tried to help the girl to her feet.
"Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhh," she moaned as she writhed on the ground in the puddle of juices.
"Are you okay?" He asked, thinking about many things ranging from the girl three times to school twice and then finally he thought about catching the bus.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh," groaned the girl, who looked pained.
Dari quickly ejaculated onto her face and hair and then hurried to catch the bus since there was nothing he could do otherwise. He caught the bus just in time and climbed on board the bus, riding it to his school. He thought some more about the girl he ejaculated onto with his meat rod which segued into him thinking about his mother. Americans might think this is creepy but in Japan it is not illegal to have sex with your mother or knock over and ejaculate onto a stranger. In fact it is encouraged in Japan, so much so that if the mayor of a city sees you doing either of these things particularly well he will immediately give you the key to the city and pin a blue ribbon onto your chest that gives you a deep discount at bath houses. Dari regretted that the mayor was not around to see his beef pole ejaculate onto the blue-haired girl because he surely would have been granted the key to Ogataka.
The bus arrived at the high school immediately after Dari thought about the key to the city a second time. He knew he had to hurry to make it to his first class!
If you are 35 and you are not integrated into the Gigathrax then you are not ready to retire.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.