If you were a Good Citizen you would be concerned about the shameful state of our Great Country's Southern Border. But you are not a good citizen, which is why you are browsing this website instead of securing our lands and fighting off the hordes of slavering immigrants desperate for work and a chance to make a better life for their offspring. Since you are here you might as well benefit from goons who have put their towering intellects to work developing innovative solutions for the Homeland. Take a deep breath in through your nose. Do you smell something? It is your filthy unwashed body, you slob. But there is also a whiff of spruce trees and gun smoke, a crisp arousing scent that permeates your being and stirs a long-dormant desire to run your hand through amber fields of grain. That is the smell of our Fair Land, free at last from the tired and poor thanks to these degenerates.

  • A humane catch and release program wherein illegals are chipped and then released into the wild where our scientists can track their behavior, ecosystems, and mating habits. (Im Ready For DEATH)
  • Retreat our entire nation into the hollow earth and take all of our extremely desirable migrant labor jobs with us. (weg)
  • Texas secession war until the whole south looks like Aleppo and nobody wants to go near it. (goatface)
  • Deport all fertile Mexicans to childless Japan, solving TWO immigration and population problems at once and probably resulting in really good fusion food too. (like a cigarette should)


This is the future Like A Cigarette Should wants.

  • Give the homeless guns and make them patrol the border. If they come back with 10 scalps they get a handle of Vodka. Don't ask where the scalps came from. (Pick)
  • Direct our thoughts and prayers at them. (Tace Vim)
  • Giant dick statues. Everywhere. So many dick statues that no one wants to come here because of all the dick statues. Bonus: dick statues. (TrevorX)
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