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#86/68 in
Mirror of Scrimmage
ACT I
On the sidelines of the big game!
I can't believe it, #86/68! Did you not read
the play? What were you doing out there! #86/68 takes responsibility for his actions!
I'm sorry, Coach! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT! I guess
I just read the play wrong! I thought for
sure you meant to break left!
Look at my playbook, son! This says break
right!
Is this a trick? This play says break left!
Oh no, #86/68! Your dyslexia is back! I thought
you tackled that problem for good last time!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT OH GOD NO!!
Well, don't fret! I'll call a time out and
we'll go see if the president can help us
get you cured up! With any luck we'll have
you fixed up in time to win the big game!
Thanks, Coach! You're a true blue American
lifesaver! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HIKE!!
Moments later #86/68 and Coach arrive at
the White House!
#86/68, you're a hero to this nation! I've
enlisted our best scientists to help tackle
this dyslexia once and for all!
Shucks, Mr. President! You're the best President
a boy could ever have!
The scientists are waiting for us in Pentagon
Basement! Let's hop to it!
ACT II
At the Pentagon...
Mr. President, #86/68, we have big problems.
What is it, General?
The entire basement of the Pentagon is infested
with rats! What's more, the exterminator is
out of town! I'm afraid I can't let you down
there!
I think we can handle some rats easy enough!
We'll take care of the rat problem, General!
We have to get down to the basement to meet
the scientists!
The heroes venture into the terrifying depths
of the Pentagon's basement!
Stay sharp, #86/68! These rats could have
rabies!
Right back at you, Mr. President!
Ratchhhhhhkkkkk!
Rats!
Ahh, rats!
The heroes are fighting rats!
KER-CHHHKK! WHAM-SQUICK!
ZAP! PAT-TING! SQUICK-ARF!
The president gains a level!
We're showing these rats what democracy is
all about!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT! These little rascals
can't stand up to our offense!
Look out Mr. President!
Ahhh! It bit me!
The President of the United States is poisoned!
The President of the United States takes 15
damage from poison!
Damn! I've gotta find an antidote!
Let's look in that treasure chest!
It's a treasure chest!
The President of the United States is poisoned!
The President of the United States takes 15
damage from poison!
Quickly, #86/68! Find out if there is an antidote
inside!
#86/68 opens chest and procures poison antidote!
Here it is, Mr. President!
The president is cured!
Great! Now let's kill the Rat King and get
out of here!
It's the Rat King!
ROARRRRHRHHHHHOOOOOOO!!!
#86/68 is fighting the Rat King!
Wham-plankton! Thud-seacucumber!
#86/68 has defeated the Rat
King!
Now let's get to those scientists! HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HIKE!
ACT III
Guten tag, #86/68! I am called Dr. Klaus!
I have determined ze source of ze dyslexia!
What is it, doctor?
Yes, doctor! Quickly, tell us what it is!
Doctor, please!
The scientist delivers the answers!
#86/68, you wast born on ze wrong side of
ze mirror!
No! That's impossible! I was born here!
Scientist, that's impossible, #86/68 was
born here!
Korrekt! But dis est der wrong side for you!
You must return to ze other side!
That's right, #86/68. You're going to have
to return to the correct side of the mirror!
Lucky for you, we have the technology to do
this! Prepare to become a mirrornaut!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT THIS IS CRAZY!
Logically speaking, the mirror world should
be just like ours except everything should
be in correct order for you! #86/68, you've
given our side of the mirror 110%, but now
it's time for you to return home!
But I'll miss you guys! You're like family
to me! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT I HAVE
A DUTY HIKE!!
We'll still be there, #86/68! We'll all be
on the other side waiting for you! And your
mirror world version will be in our world!
Well, if this is what it takes! HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT TIME FOR THE
REVERSAL!
It est time, #86/68! Jump in ze mirror!
INTERMISSION
RIDE, BIG DOG, RIDE!
ACT IV
#68/86 heroically smashes through
the mirror, transporting himself to the mirror
reality!
SHATTER!!!
Well, I'm here! Now where is everybody? Why
does this room look so square?
The President hears a strange noise and enters
the Square Office!
Is someone here? Who's there? If you don't
show yourself I'm going to call the police!
It's me, Mr. President! It's me #86/68!
What on earth are you talking about, #68/86?
What are you doing in the Square Office?
No, Mr. President, it's me #86/68!
Oh, I get it! You got into my stash of marijuana!
Well, help yourself! Smoke if you got 'em
I always say! Hey, I'm heading off to the
voting booth!
Golly, that sure was a disturbing joke about
narcotics consumption, Mr. President! HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
Yes, hut!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
Yes, hut! I understand!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT SAY NO TO DRUGS HIKE!
You're just adorable!
Mr. President? Are you okay? What is this
voting business about?
It's election time, silly! I've got to elect
a new nation. I'm thinking about electing
Russia for a change!
HOLY MOLY! DEAR GOD IN HUT HUT HUT HEAVEN
HIKE!
God in heaven? You mean Satan?
NO! THIS IS MADNESS! I'VE GOTTA GET OUTTA
HERE!
On your way out, #68/86, could you tell those
lousy Americans to pack their bags? Thanks!
#68/86, overwhelmed with the horrors of the
Mirror World's President, desperately searches
for Coach!
I'VE GOTTA FIND COACH!
After a misadventure with the Washington,
D.C. backwards transportation system, #68/86
finds himself at the site of the big game!
HUT HUT HUT HUT MERCIFUL TOUCHDOWN! Coach,
something's wrong with the president!
Who cares? I'm moving to Canada anyway. Look,
I've gotta go play some soccer.
SOME WHAT?
You heard me! Hey team, what play do you want
me to use?
We think you should run the ball towards the
end zone!
Which one?
Whichever one is closest, Coach!
I'm gonna go out there and give my best 100%!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT YOU MEAN 110% COACH!!
Oh shut up!
What in the name of Roosevelt's ghost is going
on here?
Coach takes to the field to square off against
the opposing team's coach.
Let's make this quick, I have an appointment
with my hairdresser in fifteen minutes!
Hey man, I'm just here because I got fired
from the XFL!
Ah screw it! I quit!
Touchdown for theocracy!
Yay! we lost!
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT
BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT
BUT BUT BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN GIVE 100% BIKE!!!
Relax, it's just a game!
I can't believe what I'm seeing HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT ECHO BASE TO RED LEADER
HIKE!! You make me sick! This whole mirror
universe makes me sick! Where I come from
we put effort into things! Coach says always
put 110% into everything and take pride in
the fact we HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT--
I never say that!
SHUT UP! HUT HUT GO ALL THE WAY TO THE END
ZONE HIKE do things right! You people don't
even try! You fumble backwards through life
and I don't know how you do it, but HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT I'm going to show you how
things are done right! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT SETTING THE EXAMPLE HIKE!
The team is moved by #68/86's passionate
speech!
YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM!
No, you're off the team! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
YOU'RE ALL OFF THE TEAM!
Good, we don't even care.
#68/68 takes drastic action!
That's it! I have no choice but to put a stop
to this madness once and for all! HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT PREPARE TO TASTE JUSTICE HIKE!
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TOBLERONE-TAT
#68/68 MOWS DOWN HIS TEAMMATES!!
OUCH! MY LIVER! MY APPENDIX!
#68/86 IS FIGHTING COACH! THE TITANS ARE
CLASHING!
Thump-soda! Whamp-potato! Thud-individualretirementaccount-pow!
#68/86 has defeated coach!
I never thought this horrible day would come,
but it has. But it's not over yet. HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT... hike.
Later in Washington, D.C.
MR. PRESIDENT!
It's the Mirror World President of the United
States of America!
What do you want now? Shouldn't you be clearing
out of here so the Russians can move in?
I never thought I would have to do this, Mr.
President, but put up your dukes.
We don't have dukes in this country!
As rotten as you are in this world, you deserve
a fair fight! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT PREPARE TO
BE TACKLED!
The President isn't going down without a
fight!
I'm not going down without a fight!
Glad to hear it sir! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT LET'S SETTLE THIS
ONCE AND FOR ALL! BLUE 52 HIKE!!!
BY THE MAJESTIC WINDSWEPT VISTAS OF MIGHTY
LINCOLN'S JOWLS, THE PRESIDENT DONS HIS ROBOT
ARMOR! BE CAREFUL, #68/86!
You'll never stop me now!
Robo-armor activated, Mr. President!
Power at 50%!
#68/68 is never one to waver from a fight!
Go get 'em!
KER-SPOCK! THWACK-THUNK!
I need more power! I gotta have more power!
Increasing power levels to 75%, Mr.
President!
#68/68 continues to tussle with the President's
robotic armor!
Whamp-kazoo! P'ting! Clank!
You gotta give me more power! GIVE IT TO ME!
Increasing power levels to Maximum
100%, Mr. President!
Give it 100% if you want! It won't match my
110%! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!!
KA-TOOM! TWANK-EXPLODE!
#68/68 HAS TRIUMPHED OVER THE MIRROR WORLD'S
LEADER!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT MAY
GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL HIKE!!
I've had enough of this Mirror World horseplay!
I don't care if I have to HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT deal with dyslexia! But there's
just one thing left to HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT DO!
Two hours later
WOOHOOO!!!! Time to give these mirror world
creeps something explosive to think about!!
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
USA!
KABOOM!!
EPILOGUE
#86/68 smashes through the mirror,
transporting himself to the regular wordl!
SWEATER!
#86/68! What happened! Aren't you supposed
to be in the mirror!?
Mr. President, my dyslexia is cured! I'm back
and ready for action! HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HIKE!
Well thank God you're back! Your evil twin
has been raising hell here since the moment
he got here some four hours ago! We can't
stop him! It's like... It's like he's giving
-110% to everything! He just absorbs all our
efforts to stop him!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT OH NO! I'LL DO MY BEST,
MR. PRESIDENT! WHERE IS HE?
Well, after he went to the stadium and threw
the big game, he ran off to the amusement
park! He's been riding the same roller coaster
for three hours without paying!
But that's not fair to the paying customers!!
You don't have to tell me! Stop him at whatever
the cost and do it quick! We're counting on
you, #86/68!
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT
HUT HUT I'LL GIVE THAT MIRROR WORLD CREEP
SOMETHING TO REFLECT ON! HUT HUT HUT HUT HIKE!
TO BE CONTINUED
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