Something Awful vs. ERA Online

Background:"Era Online"was recently featured as SA's Awful Link of the Day. The reasons for this were simple: it was an awful game with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. However, once the "author" of the game found out that I had profiled his work of "art" on SA's main page, he seemed to get just a little too bent out of shape, and I got a very nasty email with only a few misspelled words the next day. Check out the ongoing saga of "Era Online vs. SA", which once again goes to show us that the only way to resolve differences of opinion is to resort to legal action! As I once predicted, the only two businesses that will be consistently turning a profit in the year 2050 will be the legal industry and organized religion.

From: lowtax@somethingawful.com
To: admin@eraonline.net

Era Online Administration-

After a lengthy talk with my lawyer, Leonard Crabs, I have been told that we will be more than happy to remove the potentially "slanderous" material from the webpage in question. However, Leonard demands you come over and wash his car first. It is very dirty and has some kind of black junk all over the bottom of it (he drove over a road right after they tarred part of it. He normally wouldn't have done something as stupid, but he was trying to escape some kids who looked "menacing"). He also demands you use the "high quality" car wax, and not that "Pep Boys crap" either.

Leonard says he wants his car washed "sometime on the weekend", because that's when he's usually at home. I will provide his address if you'd like.

Thank you very much,

-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

From: lowtax@somethingawful.com
To: admin@eraonline.net

Erling-

I discussed this proposition with Leonard, and he responded by throwing a pitcher of Tang at my head (not the original kind, the new type with more vitamin-C). This is his way of saying "no dice". Leonard loves legal battles, no matter how mundane and baseless they are (this one being a healthy portion of each). I looked in the other room, and he's even putting on his "lawyer battle" suspenders, the red ones with white stripes on them.

Since I don't want to have to cause you to wade through the awful paperwork of finding who to contact at my ISP, the admin's name is (name edited out), who you can reach by sending an email to (email address edited out). I would recommend that you and your "lawyer" send a message with something along the lines of this

"Dear sir-

Some mean person made very nasty remarks about my crappy game. Since we now live in a world where every single whining crybaby threatens to sue somebody over the most trivial of things, I feel I want to sue a person who's website is hosted on your ISP. Sure, my knowledge of the legal system is little to none, but I really want to sue this guy because he's so mean! I have obviously never done any research on libel, or I would've learned the following information:

Ideas and opinions, whether true of false, cannot constitutionally be subject to libel claims.

However, my lawyer, who also works the night shift at the local Dairy Queen, says I can sue for MILLIONS of dollars! I tend to believe him, because I once saw him wear an expensive suit and I think that makes him smart.

Sincerely,

Mr. Era Online Administration"

You can cut and paste that into an email to him if you want, just give me credit for it OR I'LL SUE YOU!!!

Ha ha, just kidding, I wouldn't sue over something as stupid and petty as that!

-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka