Months of watching what you eat. Getting more exercise. It finally felt like your body was heading in the right direction. Now you weigh an additional four hundred pounds. Back to awkwardly wearing a t-shirt in the pool!
Resistance Leader Mitt Romney takes a heroic stand on the data tapes containing the truth about the agenda of our alien overlords.
WARNING: This article could have spoilers about the movie Us. I'm not 100% sure.
No one in the history of the world has suffered as much as I am suffering right now, laying on my couch under a ceiling fan and unenthusiastically flipping through my streaming service watch lists.
Gentle Creature offers his concerns about the candidacy of Starbucks founder Howard Schultz and endorses an alternative.
The Criterion Channel has launched, a streaming service with an enormous library of meticulously curated films. Which Punisher movie will you watch first?
In order to bring morale back to standard levels, please consider following these new mandatory directives, the not following of which will result in loss of job.
Fly and pay in luxury with our collection of complimentary-class offerings.
Levi Johnston is given sole custodianship of the Mueller Report and provides his own summary.
Coach: Okay guys, come here. Don't make it obvious that I'm asking this but which basket are we shooting at? I got turned around for a second.
In the wake of criticism, White County Indiana is employing new tactics to prepare the community for active shooters.
Never before has a piece of consumer hardware so perfectly captured the feeling of hiding a boner while browsing the airbrushed t-shirt stall at a county fair!
I'm pretty sure it's not his birth name. It's hard to imagine any parent hoping their baby's future involves wardogging and all the responsibilities that wardogging entails.
How many Lin Manuel Miranda songs can you endure during the democratic primary?
There's nothing more scrumptuous than the most perfectest chocolate chip cookie! This recipe is so easy and quick you won't believe it! As you know, my hubby Bowden is a lumberjack-turned-Christian-supermodel.
A Gizmodo writer decides to block Apple, Facebook, Google, Amazon, and Microsoft. She discovers a hidden realm of ghosts trapped in the early mid-2000s on Orkut.
I've got something to say about that sphere in the sky: norb thanks.
The slabs of his muscles glistening in the torchlight, Lendarr prowled the abandoned mine. He sought a treasure guarded by an ancient evil beyond measure - even if you used two large measuring devices laid end to end.
100% dad. 100% husband. 10% incorporeal. Sundays on Fox it's: Mohr or Less
McDonald's is boasting about their egg. Can the competition show you an egg? Find out!
With eight movies fighting for Oscar gold, which one will win? I don't know! But you don't either.
Any forum poster worth their salt will gladly inform you (without being asked) that genre fiction is, in fact, garbage for children. You are not reading a real book unless it is difficult and mildly unpleasant. Test your READING MACHISMO with these truly challenging works.
The website thispersondoesnotexist.com generates a new realistic human face every time you load the page. Convincing people with convincing lives.
All I wanted was an indigo GameCube and a white PS2 slim. What I got... was the adventure of a lifetime!
The Enquirer attempts to extort Jeff Bezos with a new list of compromising images obtained by the tabloid newspaper.
Welcome to the exciting world of wheeled scooting!
Today the internet has been patched to version 1.04, addressing various issues and introducing several quality of life features. If you are still running 1.03 you may need to restart your device before these changes take effect.
Virginia Governor Ralph Northam has changed since his mid-twenties and no longer wears blackface regularly.
To my fellow Americans, I have one simple message: I'm not paying for any of this.
The confusion has ended. Sorghum is what you eat.
Double-click UninstallerUninstallerUninstaller.exe to remove UninstallerUninstaller.exe and UninstallerUninstallerUninstaller.exe from your computer.
Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford lost a USB drive filled with sensitive company secrets and pornography in a Medieval Times. We obtained a directory listing of the entire drive.
Tidying expert and joy sparker Marie Kondo responds to critics who were outraged that she would tell people to reduce the number of corpses in their house.
Iowa Congressman Steve King reflects on how our PC culture is limiting arm speech.
A valuable possession pleads for its life.
Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves: A slight variation on the standard format. In this, one of the two men turns around immediately and exits the Thunderdome without incident.
We know you've been wondering about Robocop's bathroom situation and we are happy to provide you with answers!
Remove the salt lick from your kitchen. It is stuffed in your bread box, directly on top of your bread. Your bread is squished. It is flat and compressed into a gummy substance unsuitable for sandwiches. Do not feel bad. Your bread knew what it was signing up for. It was either you or the bread.
2018 was bad, but was it all bad? Here are a few stories to brighten your year's end!
What day is this? Why, it's two days after Christmas Day!
Canadian Santa Claus covets the goblet, and the power within.
Does Elon Musk have the solution to LA's commuter nightmare? Is it a flume?
It all began in World War 2. Earth's surface was still cooling off. Magma was becoming rock. The planet was looking for a way to make a name for itself. On the big stage. To become known internationally.
The democrats are lining up to do battle with Trump in 2020, but is Beto great-o? Yes.
"WAO~" says someone in the audience, amazed by a simple layup. It's the thing that Americans yell when they yell, which is all the time.
Former Navy SEAL Jeff Caliber survived tier one special ops and is now studying creative writing at Sarah Lawrence College in New York. And fighting terrorists.
You gave yourself that bad haircut years ago. You're a smarter person now. More well-rounded as a human. This time you'll probably be able to cut your hair like a champ. This is a terrific idea!
My children have beautiful names like Brazzers Dawg and they have been humiliated. Southwest Airlines is disgusting!
Honey, I would like to take you on a freight train to Pound Town with ALF himself as the mad engineer.
Mugging me is easy, fun, AND profitable! Here's how.