It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
In our new cat society, things have really gone from bad to purrse.
For the last three months my primary computer has been a MacBook Air running the latest version of OS X, probably named after a mountain or a bear or the hand claps and chants from a modern rock song.
Levi Johnston suffers career setbacks, but manages a full recovery with a new job at the EPA.
It can't be stopped! It can't be reasoned with! It can't be compelled to testify against its spouse!
Eco-worriers are in a tizzy about dead birds full of plastic and want to ban plastics. Shouldn't it be the bird's choice?
Treat yourself to a delicious sub and turn that dead-eyed scowl upside-down!
This is a campaign to provide Disney a chance to course correct with the Star Wars motion simulator franchise. The fans are completely divided and the core goal of the Star Tours travel agency has been abandoned.
I have used my bot to create Olive Garden commercials. This is a bot I have. Don't question it.
Following America's defeat in World War 3, allied forces uncovered a number of experimental weapon prototypes in the hotel-compound of Trump's loyalist Space Force army. Had the war continued just a few more months, these secret weapons would have changed the course of the war.
Extremely proud over here! The bosses took notice and I have been promoted to 20 cages!!
Mr. Sakurai-sama, where the FRICK is Dino Riki!?
Susan Kath of Bethesda Game Studios handed me a polka-dotted can of mixed peanuts. When I opened it, a number of paper snakes sprung out into my face.
Still think it's a joke when a man takes his lunch into the bathroom, Brenda? It's called privacy. Look it up.
Everything to do in our one-horse town outside of the horse.
For what is an ape but a more powerful version of man?
When you die your skin no longer turns to beef jerky. Now your hollowed flesh grows increasingly supple and sexy, with ultra realistic pores, TressFX body hair, and sweat tech that puts the latest NBA game to shame.
If you are 35 and you are not integrated into the Gigathrax then you are not ready to retire.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
We were able to recently sit down and interview the men's rights icon, Jordan Peterson, in this exclusive interview.
The social justice mob has once again turned into the Nazis to silence bigotry. When will they learn???
This local car commercial has ruined my entire brain. Now it's your turn.
Gervais sauntered into an English class wearing a pair of shades. He asked whether "couldn't care less" or "could care less" best demonstrated how little he cared about people offended by his comedy, then flipped both middle fingers and left before the professor could answer.
The Internet is abuzz about a new viral video. Let's break down "This is Gonna Hurt" by Hoobastank.
The first thing you learn as a Ghost Hunter: You can't kill a ghost with a traditional bow and arrow. You've got to dip the arrowheads in poison.
Sensitive to pure iron?? Filled with burning desire to sculpt pottery? Unable to cross salt lines? You are either a ghost or have crushing OCD. Read this FAQ to figure out if you are a disembodied spirit, and what you can do about it!
One girl's decision to go as a Predator to prom set the Internet ablaze with outrage. And that's a good thing!
Grab your bootstraps and give them a good yank for this inspiring tale of prosperity.
Scan the room for a reporter with an obvious physical handicap. Gleefully contort your body to mock them like you're the absolute worst five year old on the planet. Hey, you're just telling it like it is!
This is serious: Commander William T. Riker has committed some disgusting acts and it is time he face real punishment from Starfleet.
It's time to get a new TV. Your old one was made like two years ago, and so much has changed. You might as well be looking at a dinosaur's butthole. Why would you keep doing that, when you could be looking at a robot's butthole?
This libtard terminator keeps asking for guns that don't exist and I may have to close early out of frustration.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
"God of War is the realization of our collective hopes and dreams, not just as gamers, but as gamer-citizens."
I have been accused of many things and my words have been tooken out of context please forgive me and unban me from twitch + roblox.
I'm Max Martin, the Swedish songwriter behind "Baby One More Time," "I Kissed A Girl" and pretty much every hit single of the last twenty years. You might think an ear for melody like mine is a wonderful gift. But you're wrong.
It's nearly been a year since we last checked in on the internet's most terrible ads. What changed? Not much.
Scandal swirls around EPA head Scott Pruitt, but only one of his scandals is interesting.
HEY MAN YOU LOOKIN FOR TABS ? DYLAN WILL GET YOU TABS. HOW MANY TABS YOU WANT ?? BECAUSE DYLAN GOT THEM ALL
Pinfalls have been changed from the standard 3 count to a far more dramatic 300 count. Several times per match, a pinned wrestler musters the strength to miraculously break free after the referee reaches 299.
We must put a stop to Laura Ingraham's offensive show! Join me in a boycott!
I am absolutely thrilled that there is a theme park containing row upon row of customer feedback boxes, stretching out for acres in every direction. What a delight!
BREAKING NOW: a story so dangerous that there are those within our government that might kill to keep it from getting out.
Ma'am, what if I told you I have the miracle of a lifetime right here in this briefcase?
TEH SOCIAL MEDIA FASTBOOK STOLE MY DATA. SOLD IT TOO A HOG CON GAME. WHERED MY DATA GO??>? WHO TEH HELL KNOWS! IM IN DIGITAL HELL
Games Workshop is looking for samples from aspiring Warhammer authors. Since my biggest dream in life is to have a book published, I put together this submission. Fingers crossed!
Levi Johnston confronts his own mortality and offers his support for a new candidate for president.
Self-driving pizza delivery cars were an invention never meant for this world.