Bonk: Two Bonks - Me Bonking You, And You Bonking The Floor
It's been nearly two months since our last round of One Sentence Reviews, hasn't it? And since I finally picked up an SNES Classic, why not rate every game on the system while I'm at it? Don't you love it when three rhetorical questions come together?
Reason 1: Nintendo hasn't been able to find a manufacturing partner that can reliably mass-produce tens of thousands of terrible controllers with broken c-sticks.
According to The Division 2's creative director, the game is not political. Does The Last of Us 2 feature smooching? "No." Is there income inequality in Cyberpunk 2077? "Absolutely not."
Metal Nose With Handle - All the convenience of a nose, but now it's portable!
Qualifications: Industry veteran with twenty eight years of experience delivering fist-and-foot-based content to a variety of high profile clients.
The patient, callsign "Dekker", was admitted to the infirmary after shooting at an enemy turret power generator from point blank range. All four of his attacks missed. Dekker, caught up in the excitement, passed out from overstimulation.
After three days I pretty much know everything about game development. Admittedly I may have to learn what it's like to win a lifetime achievement award, but that will come next year.
Sea of Thieves: Reduced the variety of enemy types from skeletons, snakes, sharks, and non-functioning Kraken to [PLACEHOLDER UNTEXTURED CUBE]
I'm making a choose-your-own-adventure comedy game about uninformed choices and unfair consequences. It's called Harm Other, and you can play the demo now.
Before the noted terrible game Destiny 2, and even before Halo, Bungie made fantasy games about dwarfs exploding into gross bloody chunks on hills and bridges.
One month after the launch of Star Wars: Galaxies a scrawny Mon Calamari stands in an Imperial player-created city, hands at his sides and large vacant eyes also at his sides.
The Quake 2 David Letterman skin remains my crowning achievement, a work of art as vital and compelling as it was the day that dave.pcx was uploaded.
Wacky video game logic: If you become injured, try to get healed as quickly as possible.
I didn't expect a reply, but it came. Here, somehow, is Idris Elba's list of 2017's best games.
All gun sights and scopes changed to Fleshlights - zoom in to get a good look at the mysterious sex organ
This covers the first half of the year, from January to July. Which half of the year will the next installment cover? You'll have to come back on December 13th to find out!
The default crosshair is an enormous block of text flashing "YOU ARE A GARBAGE IDIOT". Simply play the game for 100 hours to unlock a regular crosshair, or buy the Elite Sniper Pack for $29.99.
A hot dog leaping, fist raised in jubilation. A sweaty business man making an O with his mouth as his bow tie spins like a propeller. A swirling vortex of dreidels. This is the Japanese box art for Gone Home.
You can open up your inventory and gasp. A thousand keys? Three thousand books? Enough body parts to make twenty entire elves?
Candles scented like planets(?) and Destiny logo ice cube trayss increase KDR by 26% on average! Trusted by Pros
Hosts Spend Entirety Of Weekly 4-Hour Podcast Bemoaning Lack Of Time To Play Discussed Games
Sometimes you just want to zone out and see what happens when your inner moron takes over. Enter two dumbass-friendly games that came out this month, Nidhogg 2 and West of Loathing.
The International is here, cramming roughly twelve thousand hours of DOTA 2 into one week. That's a lot to keep up with! If you miss out on anything just refer to this recap, which describes every match in the tournament.
Solid Snake: "How did they get your password?" Mario: "Ah spaghetti... ah ravioli..."
Seize the mean beans of production with Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine! SEGA!
Today you can slap down fifteen bucks for Diablo 3's new class, the Diablo 2 Necromancer. How does this character rate in the SMPDSI (Skeletal Minion Per Dollar Spent Index)? Let's find out!
The simple fact is, I have Rage with Sewers. Dwelling on the divine purpose behind this fact would be a waste of time. Sewers cannot be undone.
Channel the instincts of a dire bear to scratch your back on the trunk of a skull tree
100 players squirt out of a cargo plane's butthole then scavenge and fight until one person remains. If you want to finish in the Top 100, follow these hot tips from top gamers.
He praises Putin, deifies Duterte, and has nothing but nice things to say about any dictator or war criminal that comes up in conversation. So what does the president think about some of the most evil video game villains of all time?
After inserting quarters and getting swollen joystick thumbs for years, have video game junkies learned anything of value? As a matter of fact, they have!
I have all the respect in the world for the fantastic people who host Retronauts, but they are rubes and their hard-earned success should be mine.
Exploring Inequality In Trump's America Through The Lens Of Horizon: Zero Dawn's Melee Attack
Like Digital Foundry, iFixit, or an idiot on YouTube awkwardly reading a script while poking at hardware with a boxcutter he's holding the wrong way, I am a hardware expert. Unlike them, I have no money and no access to free review units.
I have no experience with early access survival games. No holding people at gunpoint, demanding they hand over a can of beans and their underwear. No rummaging through drawers in abandoned buildings for dinosaur eggs.
Create a folder on your desktop named Illegal Files. For the purposes of this tutorial, I will assume that you're running Windows 95.
Joy Con Controllers (pair, left and right Joy Con) - $79 Joy Con Controller (left or right) - $49 Joy Con Contr (half of a left or right controller) - $59
Players of all types are welcome, whether they have three heads, a dive mask, no body, or they're two dimensional
My dad was the Thegn and now he's very much dead. You know what that means - time for a Viking MAAAAKEOVER!
In Tyranny the bad guys have won and you're basically Judge Dredd. Okay, so there aren't any perma-frowns in the character creation menu. And you don't come across any rad reflective visor helmets with garish color schemes. Still, fantasy Judge Dredd.
After checking in on Star Citizen we weigh the relative values of Laundry Day Goku and Large Beef Man on Motorcycle.
People are always asking me to write more One Sentence Reviews. Well, here you are, and I hope you've read The Monkey's Paw.
When your character slows down and puts his finger to his ear during a conversation with someone on comms, you can feel an enormous coarse finger clumsily brushing against your actual ear.
These are flying insects?! Why is this happening?! Did you tell your wife?!