"No one in the history of the world has suffered as much as I am suffering right now, laying on my couch under a ceiling fan and unenthusiastically flipping through my streaming service watch lists."
"Gosh, it's hot."
"Is this a 911 situation? Or should I just fire off a flare gun?"
"Wow, it is seriously hot."
"I need to get some work done. It's so humid in here, though. If I touched my computer it would instantly be covered in a layer of finger sweat. I'm probably ruining everything I own just by existing."
"Holy moly, the temperature is too high."
"This is the last thing I want to think about, but it's better to be realistic and prepare: I need to look up how to cut off and eat my leg."
"By golly, the warmth is uncomfortable."
"Is this what it means to be off the grid? Have I gone feral? Even if I return to society I will be forever changed. An outsider."
"Geez, it is hot as heck."
"It's miserable in here. I'll go out somewhere. No. They will all know that I have been sweating. Even if I take a shower right before I leave, they'll know it. Better to suffer in here than to draw all that attention to myself."
"Why don't I live in Scandinavia? It's probably too late now. I should have thought of that years ago."
"We should probably do something about climate change."
"Maybe I should open the windows. Maybe I should open the blinds too. That would make it easier for breezes to blow through the house. Then again, maybe if I open the blinds the sun will heat the house even more. Maybe I should exist in a state where the windows are neither open nor closed, the blinds not drawn or shut, the repair guy not here or anywhere."
"Gosh, it's hot."
–
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
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Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
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About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
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