What This American Is Thankful for in 2017

What I'm thankful for? Well. Hm.

There's... no, that's gone. Completely gone now. Never coming back.

Give me a minute.

No one died when that Nazi gave a speech in the auditorium of my town's college. I suppose that's good.

Then again, a Nazi did give a speech in the auditorium of my town's college. And the news coverage leading up to the event gave "equal time" to the notion that we should be afraid of people who protest against the Nazis. But hey, no deaths. I guess that's the best you can hope for nowadays. So I guess I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful that a startup billionaire did not sneak in through my window and drain the blood from my veins.

I hear the stock market is doing well. That's good for... people who have portfolios I guess. Good for the companies who feel emboldened, free from the shackles of regulation and ethics. You just know the people at the top are pulling some real low and dirty shit we won't find out about for years. That's probably a lot of fun for them. It's nice knowing that someone out there is having a good time. I guess that's the best you can hope for nowadays. So I guess I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful that I did not come across a cardboard box held up by a stick, under which sat a pill bottle labeled LIFE SAVING MEDICATION. I'm thankful that I did not then crawl into this trap laid by an elite team of ICE agents who then ran me over with an APC and detained me in a secret facility.

I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.

I'm thankful that several people I know (and probably a few I don't know) did not have their health care taken away. These people's lives would have been absolutely ruined and entire families would have been devastated, emotionally and financially. So it's good that didn't happen.

Then again, a group of genuinely evil politicians did try to make it happen like twelve times, backed by genuinely evil partisan media outlets and personalities. And on a fundamental human level I cannot accept the fact that these evil people are still walking around, let alone in positions of power. And I know they're preparing to pull the exact same shit next year. But hey, it hasn't happened yet. I guess that's the best you can hope for nowadays. So I guess I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful that even though my months-long search for steady work has gone terribly, I have been able to do some soul searching and discover the perfect collection of words to encapsulate every aspect of myself:

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)