Superior Web Solutions (Thanks, Lowtax!)

I'm not usually one to speak in superlatives, but welcome to the world's most ironic Web site. I don't mean in a "Check it out, I just grew a mustache" way. I mean in a genuine "Holy shit, what were these clowns thinking?" kind of way. It's from Superior Web Solutions, a company allegedly offering Web design and voiceovers. If you've clicked the link already, you can see why this is ironic. This shit looks like it was designed by a high school junior who just finished his first computer elective. Luckily for us, whoever runs (ran?) Superior Web Solutions has/had a serious amount of free time, as evidenced by how they managed to pack this Web site full of mostly useless content.

The site is divided in two, with the left side getting down to business. Their portfolio section leads to some more ALOD candidates, actually. Three of the Web sites are basically carbon copies of Superior Web Solutions, right down to the rotating "3D" logos (though I should probably note that one of them had the color scheme switched to "red," rather than the standard "blue"). Two of the sites no longer exist: I'm not sure if it's because the companies went out of business or just from pure shame. The last of the six, which consists of frames, fixed-width text, and a standard gray background, doesn't seem to fit, so I'm guessing the owner redesigned it himself. Below all of these, there's some text reading "Your Web site could be next," which sounds more like a threat than anything.

The guest book, usually a goldmine of comments, only has two, one of which is from "RADIO TUNA" over in Fort Wayne, IN, who is very excited about being a member of their "team." The other is from now-defunct nohang-over.com. Fortunately, the lack of amusement in the guest book is offset by a hilarious brochure, which promises "innovative navigation systems" (tables) and has a picture of whatever office building they liked most when they Googled that phrase. The studios are also pretty nice: They're Flash tables that link to pictures that honestly you could just steal and use on your own, given that they haven't managed to figure out how to copyright a damn thing. Don't do that, though, they all look terrible.

The right side, "entertainment," is where the real magic happens. Obviously, the link for "television" doesn't work, because why would it? The cartoons link, though - that one works. It works perfectly. The cartoons are either copyright-infringing stick-figure animations with the Budweiser "wazzup" commercial audio playing; stupid humorous things; or really weird poorly animated Flash interludes, of which "Streets" is my favorite. I won't spoil it for you, but it is by far the most interesting street I've ever seen. Oh, also, there's an anime girl. The "videos" section is pretty neat, too. It's just commercials for other companies, until you click the videomaker, which lets you assemble the shower scene from Psycho from a few short clips. I'm not sure what point they're trying to make with that, but good for them!

There are also games, which mostly consist of shooting things (witches, a bottle, N*Sync, "tagets"), and a few other things, including one of those stupid labyrinth games, except they managed to fuck up the most basic physics system in the world, so now the ball kinda wanders towards the center no matter what direction you try to move it. Oh, hey, there's also a chat room, which is currently being trolled as I look at it, and very successfully (seems they forgot to put in a script that kicks you when you flood). A kindly co-chatter linked me to this part of the site, which might or might not be findable from the main page: (warning: farts).

Lowtax submitted this site, so hopefully he's planning on throwing them a bone and getting them to redesign the front page into something significantly more blue and animated. Right now, this column is barely even visible, but I'm pretty sure that if it had a spinning cube logo that said "ALOD" on all four sides, I'd totally be getting way more traffic. Plus, I bet those guys could design some sort of "build your own Photoshop" thing so we could be getting way more viewer submissions, like those guys on Fark. Those guys rule. Here's hoping!

– Daryl "Fucking" Hall