The 26 Most Awful Toys from China

What they say: "Sound is emitted when pressing down on pen tip."

This is one of those rare toys so bad that it's difficult to actually imagine someone using and enjoying it. What sort of senile old woman or baffling retardate would choose to write with this pen?

It seems that Sound of Pen is an attempt to employ technology to make using a pen as annoying as possible just shy of causing physical pain. The pen is now large and unwieldy because of the electronics at the top, but I guess this inconvenience is considered offset because when you write with the pen it emits sounds of bubbling cauldrons and shrieking bats.

The only way this pen could be conceptually trumped would be by a pen that berated you while you were writing.

"You suck, faggot. Nobody fucking likes you. You're a piece of shit. You fat Jew. You're going to hell."

Hmm, I think I might just contact Great Star with my idea. Hate of Pen. No, Super Hate of Pen.

What they say: "These fur figurines make great gifts and decorating ideas! Great wildlife gifts for men, women, hunters, and wildlife lovers! Great gifts for Dad on Fathers Day, Valentines Day or Birthday Gifts. They are the most realistic and unique gifts!"

This bizarre toy is made from real rabbit fur and has been designed to look like it's breathing. It is a very useful doppleganger for a cat that wants to skip school and spend a wild day off with a couple of friends.

I have to take issue with the idea that this is being sold to hunters. I have heard of deer hunters, pheasant hunters, crocodile hunters, and MILF hunters, but I have never heard of cat hunters. There are morons that intentionally kill cats, but I think you can forego the "hunting" part since a lot of cats will walk up to you.

See? I made it through that and I did not make a single joke about Chinese people eating cats. Those courses I took at Mencia Community College are finally starting to wear off.