Memos from Bear Cave: the Family Business

This article is part of the Memos from Bear Cave series.

To: All Employees of Bear Cave
Date: August 13, 1981
Subject: Let's have a little unity

I recognize this week has been a bit rocky. It's my first week, and I've probably shaken things up a bit more than you folks are used to. I think what would settle things down would be for us to all get together and form a union. That way we can all work as one toward the common goal of making Bear Cave the best company in the industry.

Who's with me?

Your pal,

To: All Employees of Bear Cave
Date: August 13, 1981
Subject: NOT ON MY WATCH

If any of you sons of bitches try to unionize, you're as good as dead. I've instructed some friends from the Los Diablos motorcycle club to rough up any organizers. And don't go asking why they're here. They are very violent men who enjoy a soup as rough and untamed as they are, and this just happens to be the place where that soup gets made.

To: All Employees of Bear Cave
Date: August 13, 1981
Subject: Company Powwow

Hey cats,

If these Los Diablos cats want to hang out and watch us make soup, I say let 'em! No reason we can't all get along. With that in mind, I think it's time we get to know each other better. I'm organizing a big party in the soupyards tomorrow. You're all invited to come have a bowl of your favorites, enjoy a few brews and have a blast. My grandsons and I, the Hard Day Rockers, will bring the hits. Be prepared to shake it!

Your pal,

To: All Employees of Bear Cave
Date: August 13, 1981
Subject: Important Announcement

I hereby sanction this powwow and give it my blessing. In keeping with soup industry customs, I will be using this time to challenge Duke to a battle to the death. I won this company back from Man's Reach, and I will it back from Duke. I alone will own this company, and I alone will determine when and how you urinate and defecate on company time. Tomorrow, soup justice will prevail.

You are all required to attend and watch me defeat and kill my father and prove how big a man I am.

To: Manuel Rodriguez
Date: August 13, 1981
Subject: DO SOMETHING

The sewage vat is overflowing faster than I can sort and bucket everybody's waste. You need to install another vat before this consumes the whole building. The pressure is building up down here.

To: All Employees of Bear Cave
Date: August 13, 1981
Subject: Our Little Secret

Beau was nice enough to settle back into the vents, but that doesn't mean we can't make it extra comfortable for him. I've supplied plenty of candles, blankets and cans of soup for him to eat. He should be plenty warm and cozy in there. I'd like to thank each of you for being so kind to him.

My son may have a temper, but he's assembled just about the nicest group of people I've ever met. I'm proud to work with all of you and have you as part of the Bear Cave Family. We're going to have a wonderful time at tomorrow's powwow!

And just to set the record straight, the only grappling I plan to do tomorrow is an awful lot of hugging.

Your pal,