Daisy Hogg, would you do me the honor of accompanying me and my AR-15 to prom?

I know we have only known each other since I turned pictures of David Hogg into a girl just a couple weeks ago, but I was hoping, hat-in-hand that you would do me the supreme honor of being my date to the prom this year.

The thing is, Daisy, we live in an open carry state and I am of legal age to comport myself in the public locations with my trusty AR-15 to defend myself. Well, ever since we found out where the school board lives and threatened all their children they have been forced to remove the gun free zone around schools. Which means for the first time I can feel safe under the sea open carrying at prom. That's the prom theme this year. I do not swim into the ocean because of an email I saw about weird fish.

I was wondering - praying, truth be told - if you would accompany me and my ArmaLite Rifle. You're so pretty and, well, I have been following you on hoggwatch ever since that school shooting. For a long time I wanted to beat you up good or shoot holes in you or order a bunch of pizzas to your house late at night. But since I made you into a girl in a picture, my feelings have changed for you.

By god, my heart is singing for you, Daisy. I just don't know if I can bear to go to prom without you. Since I have already personified my beautiful long gun, let's make 2 and 2 equal 3 like sweet Remington said and go to that prom as a trio.

Some might say I am living in an insane 21st century fantasy hellworld where I turned the survivor of a massacre into a political and sexual fetish object by transforming him into a girl who loves guns. But those people have never held an AR-15 like I want to hold you. Not like you, Daisy. You know the truth.

– Hoggluvr (@sexyfacts4u)