Something Awful is Getting Sued, And It's All Thanks to Hitler

Higbee began a fresh new assault.

FROM: Shauntece Laurant

Mr. Kyanka,

My name is Shauntece Laurant, I work in pre-litigaiton here at the Law Firm of Higbee & Associates to help resolve copyright claims without them having to go to court. I have been given two weeks or so to determine whether or not this claim requires further action.

While you claim to not be responsible for the claim, you have failed to properly remove our client's image from your site. We are now considering this willful infringement.

Also, as you may or may not know, ignorance is not an excuse to infringement, particularly when it's your job to hire someone or otherwise supervise the infringer. If you hire a website builder who copies and displays a photo on your website without the permission, you are "vicariously" liable for the infringement.

Consequently, I would be careful with leading us to litigate this case as it would appear that the merits are different and could lead to this claim being filed in court. It would behoove you to work with us and avoid any possibility of further action.

Best

Shauntece Laurant
Claims Resolution Specialist
Copyright Division

Law Firm of Higbee & Associates (http://www.higbeeassociates.com)
1504 Brookhollow Dr., Suite 112, Santa Ana, CA 92705
Direct: (714) 617-8340
Phone: (800) 716-1245 Fax: (714) 597-6559

Oh no! Big words! Pre-litigation! Infringer! Vicariously liable! Also "Shauntece Laurant," a phrase which does not come up often in casual conversation. The big guns were out, and I decided to stand my ground against the tyranny of Higbee and Associates, who clearly wanted jpg Hitler all for themselves.

FROM: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

Hello Shauntece! It has come to my attention that you, and apparently every single other person employed at your scumbag "law" firm, fail to understand how the internet works on even the most basic, fundamental level. However, you clearly know how money works, as you seem hellbent on obtaining it through any means necessary, including (but not limited to) threatening people with lawsuits in the hope they are not familiar with the legal system.

Since I am a kind and generous soul, I will help you understand one aspect of the internet: image hotlinking. That term is used when somebody embeds an image on a website, which is not hosted on that website, and is instead located on a completely different server. In this case, the image of a man dressed like Hitler, which you are very concerned about protecting for whatever idiotic reason, is located on one of the many servers Imgur owns and operates. Imgur is a website that allows users to host images on their storage. Users may then link to the image on their server, causing it to appear wherever they paste the specific image embed code; in this case, the Something Awful dot com forums.

Now if you want to protect your precious Hitler image, the correct and legal course of action is to pursue a copyright claim against the service hosting this image, which again is Imgur. The absolute most idiotic and wrong course of action is to threaten me with your bullshit "infringement" claims, which honestly makes you look like an utter fucking moron who should be out digging ditches in the ground, and then burying themselves in one of the aforementioned ditches. You and Christopher Sadowski can fuck off into the sunset, hopefully in the goal of falling off this beautiful flat Earth of ours.

Let me make this absolutely clear: I have zero intention of working with you. I have zero intention of ever working with you, unless it's in a situation requiring me to push you into a tar pit. Take me to court, knock yourselves out, go get in line behind the medical industry that I already owe roughly $80,000 to. I'm sure it will be a fun and adventurous thrillride full of exciting stories able to thrill generations of children to come.

If you have any other questions about the internet, please feel free to ask somebody else, because I hate you and every single other miserable shell of a human being employed by your firm. Also your first name is dumb as fuck.

- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
CEO of Internet

Despite lacking all them fancy boy law words, I felt confident that my response would be sufficient. As you can damn well guess, I was damn well wrong.

FROM: Shauntece Laurant

Mr. Kyanka,

Your response is comically ignorant. Thank you for the compliment on my name, it was given to me by my deceased aunt. While you spew many insults on the character of the people who work for this firm and our client, it will not absolve liability.

I will present your response to the attorneys and follow up with you. Can you advise your affiliation with imgur.com?

Best

Fuck! Out-legalled again! This man and or woman had all the right moves! Too bad my momma didn't raise no quitter, and I quickly shot back.

FROM: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

Shauntece,

It is unfortunate to learn that both you and your deceased aunt have or had terrible taste in first names. Did she also work at a piece of shit, scam artist law firm? If so, you two are like proverbial peas in a pod! I could make a joke about the word "pea" here, as it's phonetically pronounced in the same way as the word "pee," which is a bodily substance I firmly suspect you and the rest of your coworkers drink on a regular basis, but I will refrain from doing so because I am a classy and upstanding pinnacle of modern society.

As for my affiliation with Imgur, it is a very close and intimate bond, one that cannot be broken by the laws of man, as we answer to a much higher power. I am of course referring to a certain Jewish carpenter who my entire faith and belief system revolves around; that's right: Barabbas. Oh wait, our site has absolutely nothing to do with Imgur, they're just another countless image hosting site on the internet, none of which we have any affiliation or contact with. My mistake, sometimes I get confused about things like this, I'm not a real smart lawyer like you guys, who are apparently incapable of using an obscure internet service that us grizzled industry experts refer to as a "search engine." Perhaps some day Mr. Higbee can pay Geek Squad $20 to swing by your office and explain the concept to you all, assuming you're not too busy threatening people to protect your precious Hitler image.

I look forward to your correspondence, and ultimately your multi-million dollar lawsuit that will once and for all conclusively prove image hotlinking is an illegal, immoral crime ideally punishable by the death sentence. Heil Hitler lawsuit from Hitlerbee and Associates!

Love,
Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
CEO of internet

PS: your name is stupid

Many people consider me to be a lover, not a fighter. In this exchange, I deftly proved to be both. Also a hero whose name should only be spoken in a hushed, reverent tone.