Greetings, official BRICKO(tm) supplier! If you're reading this, it means you've signed on to be part of the exciting world of BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System products. If not, you likely found this in the street--in which case, please disregard the following. Now, you may have several questions, such as, "Where can I return unsold merchandise for a partial refund?" All matters relating to this subject can be found in the manual titled "So I've Failed the BRICKO(tm) Company," available from our supply outlet for just six-thousand dollars. But to learn the basics of how to discuss BRICKO(tm) products with your customers and fellow workers, please keep the following in mind.
- You may feel the urge to pluralize BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System products by moronically adding a simple "s" to the end of BRICKO(tm), as the lower classes are inclined to do. For example, you may feel the urge to tell a customer "The BRICKO(tm)s are in aisle five." For one, BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System products should always be located in an aisle no greater than three, but you should also avoid slandering the name of our product. To set a message, fire employees on the spot for this transgression, and be sure to sternly lecture any customers who make this same mistake. They might not come back, but our brand will only be stronger!
- Consumers may be confused about a different, yet sinister, brand of interlocking blocks known as LEGO. If a man or woman is foolish enough to desire this vastly inferior product, call the police immediately. Once you use up all of your chances with the police--most store owners average around three--reluctantly guide the degenerate in your store to the BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System product section, but warn them that if a BRICKO(tm) interlocking block piece joins with a LEGO, the entire set cannot be returned for fear of contamination.
- Given the newfound wave of Patriotism that has made our Antebellum South Playsets just fly off of the shelves, customers may ask you if our products are made in America. BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System products are designed by a Japanese man who flies to America to meet with a team of German engineers. Then, the designs are shipped off to Mexico, turned into those memorable interlocking blocks, and shipped to Uruguay for packaging. The resulting boxes are then sent to our distribution center in Canada for distribution. So, to answer their question: yes.
- Disturbed and/or poorly trained children may leave their BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System products lying about, even if they are aware of the sheer privilege of owning them. If you receive any complaints, please inform your customers of the BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System Laceration Soothing Gel, which should be located on the endcap of your designated BRICKO(tm) aisle. For more serious injuries, offer them a bottle of BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System Nerve Tonic, which must be kept in a cabinet with at least three locks according to FDA regulations.
- Due to the habit-forming nature of BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System Nerve Tonic, some of your customers may form a habit without the necessary $800 in their pocket to buy their needed two bottles per day. In this case, call the police--call another town's police if you've used all of your chances--and let them know gently (while avoiding eye contact) our scientists are hard at work on medical patches to help BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System Nerve Tonic addicts and hope to have a version that won't melt guinea pigs on contact by 2022.
- Our social media team is hard at work scouring the Internet for mentions of BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System products, so keep in mind any negativity towards our corporation could terminate your contract and land you hefty legal fees on top of that. If you see anyone slandering the good name of BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System products online, pass the message to our social media team, and we will see fit to contact that person's local SWAT establishment to end all defamation.
- The BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System Loyalty Collar you were fitted with will apply a healthy jolt of electricity to your neck and head region for every hour a BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System product goes unsold. But don't worry: our engineers are hard at work developing a version that ceases its functions during non-work hours. Keep in mind that any of its spent batteries must be replaced at a BRICKO(tm) Brand Interlocking Block System Loyalty Center within 48 hours or it will violently explode to prevent possible tampering. Happy selling!
– BRICKO(tm) Information Minister