Do you need a 21st century online solution for all of your LEGAL smoking needs? We've got all sorts of smoke blends and accessories for discerning customers who are desperate to escape reality but not quite desperate enough to break the law. Our motto is: If you can't find it here, we are sorry!
 | Kazzleblau Smoking HerbThe finest smoking herb you'll find anywhere! This premium mixture of all-natural ingredients (soy, moss, pepper, balsa wood chips, chloroform, chopped-up placebo pills) will alter your mind in new and exciting ways. Based on a recipe for gepacho that I saw on Good Eats and tried to replicate purely from memory three years later. Once you go Kazzleblau, you never go kazzleback! Price:
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 | FG-2011 Fog MachineLive with your parents? Have a nosey roommate? Now you can smoke in peace with the FG-2011 Fog Machine, A.K.A. the Little Dragon. Just plug in, crank up, and enjoy yourself. If someone knocks on your door and asks if you're smoking in there, tell them "No way, man, it's just the fog machine!" Price:
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 | FleshpipeTired of smoking the old-fashioned way? Pack your tobacco or legal smoking herbs into the Fleshpipe's realistic belly button-shaped opening, then stand it up in a pan of boiling water and enjoy! Also doubles as a thermos for our on-the-go customers who need a sip of their favorite energy drink at the gym or on the basketball court. Price:
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| Kazzleblau ZXContains everything that made the original Kazzleblau the finest smoking blend modern science has ever created, now sprinkled with ground meat! May leave a slight aftertaste of bile. If it doesn't, call 911 immediately and ask for Ron. Price:
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 | X-Ray glassesSee through clothes, classified folders, and even fruit skins with these amazing specs! Each pair of glasses has been hand inspected and is guaranteed to contain a non-lethal amount of X-Radiation. Manufacturer's Note: Please do not wear while operating on patients. Price:
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 | Deer UrineEnough to last up to 2 weeks! Price:
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 | Cheech & Chong ScaleHonor the memory of every legal smoking enthusiast's favorite wisecracking funnymen with a pocket-sized digital scale emblazoned with their likeness! Perfect for weighing your deer urine supply nightly, to ensure that no one is stealing from you while you sleep. Accurate to within 3 feet. Price:
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 | EMF DetectorElectromagnetic Field Detectors measure fluctuations in electromagnetic fields caused by ghosts. The higher the needle goes, the more ghosty an area is. When combined with cold spots, spooky feelings, or the sensation of seeing shadows while in a very dark room, EMF detector readings provide concrete evidence of paranormal activity. Price:
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This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Hey Moron, How About You Stick to What You Know?
- An Awful Guide to Development Economics
- A Letter From Latte Dad
- Subj: I HAVE THE POWER OF THE MOUNTAIN
- Col. Ironhands, 24-hour Patriot, renews his driver's license
