Unlike My Opponent, Chapter Two
With the distinct aroma of politics in the air, I cannot help but feel obligated to run for office. Trust me when I say that it is not a false sense of entitlement that compels me, nor is it what Dr. Martin Luther King called the "fierce urgency of now." It is simply the knowledge that unlike my opponent...
Unlike My Opponent: Health Care Edition
Unless you live in a cave, you probably already know that America has been taken over by some kind of Arab spaceman with diabolical plans to give poor people health care. I'm here to tell you that there's another option: YOURS TRULY.
Unlike My Opponent, Chapter Four
In the wake of yesterday's historic healthcare bill being signed into law, the political landscape EXPLODED. Now nobody knows who will prevail in the upcoming election season. That means it's time to start campaigning, and HARD. Because of this, I have no choice but to abandon my duties and return to the campaign trail. For unlike my opponent...
Unlike My Opponent, Chapter Five
America is in the grip of election fever again. All across this great land our citizens face some truly difficult choices in the voting booth. One election is not so simple, and the choice couldn't be more clear. Vote for me, humble American, for unlike my opponent...
Unlike My Opponent, Chapter Six
You won't find me or my social media team endorsing dangerous behavior. I will protect our children from deadly teen trends like cavemaning, where misguided youths freeze themselves in blocks of solid ice to earn internet cred.
