October 22, 2013

Disney is opening an Avatar theme park in 2017! My favorite ride is called THE STILTED DIALOGUE!!!

— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 13, 2013

I know why we have such a hard time figuring out who bansky is...... hes Manti Teos girlfriend © 2013 Lowenaffchen All rights reserved

— Löwenäffchen (@Lowenaffchen) October 14, 2013

if you dont immediately text me back i say "welp, guess im gonna hit the hay now :-/" if you say some shit like "K" i will crash my car

— deg (@degg) October 15, 2013

"I... bungle... up... your... HEALTH CARE!! I BUNGLE IT UP!" -THe Obugler

— Hot Pumper (@Perfect_Beanis) October 15, 2013

Ya dude I'm def down for some buffalo wings, beer and football! Hell ya! Lemme just change my big ol' diaper first

— Lennox BoOoOoman (@LennoxTruman) October 15, 2013

about to have a very intense meeting and presentation. i have one beer in my trunk to chug when i am finished

— Sex Carl (@SexCarl) October 15, 2013

When you award a star on twitter, one disappears from the universe, extinguishing life on the planets it had irradiated.

— Spooksickle (@wimpsicle) October 17, 2013

these chronicles are riddick-ulous

— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) October 17, 2013

nice, a tribute band, sick. all of my favorite band's music except it's being played by not the band. I hope I can pay money for this.

— stefan (@boring_as_heck) October 17, 2013

When Jared dies, two Subway artists in full uniform will come to his mother's door with the neatly folded big-ass jeans.

— Brandon Gutermuth (@UNTRESOR) October 17, 2013

There's def a huge ball of undigested lipstick in my colon, boys (wink)

— Marlo Meekins Ⓜ️ (@MarloMeekins) October 17, 2013

the moon is full tonight. i took my hair out of its pony tail and took off my shirt

— Ben ''OG Bad Boy'' (@MuscularSon) October 18, 2013

Oh yeah? Would a pussy dad do THIS? *quietly crafts a cogent but gentle argument for why The Wallflowers still own* Pussy Dad, coming to ABC

— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) October 18, 2013

Got beat at Big Buck hunter by a cop

— Kat (@katsnacks) October 18, 2013

Fake ass x ray machine I kno that fool just watching a long ass sigur ros video pretending it's a picture of the inside of our bags

— KOOL A.D. (@veeveeveeveevee) October 18, 2013

this patch on my jacket of an owl flying into an open garage means im a captain in the Garage Crapping Crew

— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) October 18, 2013

follow me on tumblr for the hottest comic book artwork picture, video game joke picture, subtitle on anime picture, naked girl (rare), cat f

— Weed Supreme (@ArcturusFats) October 18, 2013

my uncle claims he was the first man to ever smoke weed on a submarine

— GARBAGE (@PierreMenard) October 19, 2013

"Tell my wife I love her very much -" "She knows." "Ok well I'm about to die alone in space so maybe just tell her again? Fuckin be cool?"

— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) October 19, 2013

the worst vitriolic hate lobbed at Clinton was like "oh why dont u go have sex again u saxophone!". guess what color Clinton is.

— DVS (@DVSblast) October 19, 2013

Miller 64 is Miller High Life after one pass through a body.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) October 20, 2013

2016 GOP Candidates: 42 Slate articles on recumbent bicycles, the guy who yells "whoo, yeah" when Al Bundy appears, the Smurfs 3 screenplay

— Haunton Atonto (@crushingbort) October 20, 2013

Just saw another baby dick on Facebook.

— Lisa Bizzle (@Lisa_Bizzle) October 20, 2013

Pepe LePew sure wanted to fuck that cat.

— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) October 21, 2013

does anyone have any ideas about what to do on a date if you're made of pure energy and cannot interact with the corporeal world

— volte (@vvvolte) October 21, 2013

God doesn't close a door without also locking it

— elan gale (@theyearofelan) October 21, 2013

I blame Twitter for the fact that my iPhone autocorrects BUTTSEX into all caps.

— krp (@KayArePea) October 21, 2013

#justforlaughs #thegoodshit #jokes #Yagottalaugh #thiswebsiteisaprison

— Michael Hale (@dogboner) October 21, 2013

The name of my sex tape will be "Great Mom Someday."

— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) October 21, 2013

what i wouldnt give to see the thong peeking out the pants of a football guy

— Greg (@weedguy420boner) October 22, 2013

– Jon "@fart" Hendren (@fart)