Wacky Video Game Logic... In Real Life?!? What the

Some of the most outlandish concepts make perfect sense within the digital realms of video games. But folks, when you stop and think about it, these examples of video game logic just wouldn't make any sense in real life!

If you become injured, try to get healed as quickly as possible. - That doesn't even make any sense!

Set goals for yourself and fulfill them. - *spit take*

Pick up any unclaimed valuable objects you might happen across. - Oh, video games!

Avoid automated turrets and malevolent ghosts at all costs. - Get a load of this!

If you're not entirely sure where you are or where you're going, look at a map. - As if!

Sometimes authority figures are cruel and selfish. - Where do the designers come up with this nonsense?

It's shockingly easy to buy a weapon. - Only in video games!

Most people you walk past are essentially interchangeable set dressing, and you only take the time to learn the names of people you interact with. - Am I really writing a response to every one of these?

An alarming chunk of your time is spent going places you don't want to go and doing things you don't want to do out of a begrudging sense of obligation, leaving you feeling like you're not fully in control. - If I stopped now the formatting would look weird

Solving a problem through conversation or by addressing the root cause is more time-consuming and difficult than solving it with violence. - oh god I wrote myself into a corner again why do I always do this

Keeping up with food/water/oxygen levels is repetitive and tedious busywork. - Now that I think about it, if I didn't stop and just pretended this freakout didn't happen that would be weirder

There are some doors you cannot enter.

It seems like you're constantly being bombarded by messages about products you should buy with real money to improve your situation.

Sometimes all you do is walk around, look at objects, and think about stuff.

In a big budget game with a white dude protagonist, you can often succeed by just pushing forward without bothering to learn the rules.

Encountering a human skeleton or blood in a place where there isn't supposed to be a human skeleton or a blood is an ominous sign.

You can spend more time collecting trinkets than advancing your personal journey, and ultimately feel unfulfilled.

If you wade in waist-high water, your pants get wet. Neat!

PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Sort of sloppy, terribly optimized, and filled with hackers... this game seems like it will have a hard time finding an audience. 6/10

LA Noire: The VR Case Files
Oh yeah, this reminds me that Sherlock Holmes: Crimes and Punishments is the greatest detective game ever made, and it should have VR support. 4/10

AO Tennis
A terrible video game, and a wonderful present for reviewers who long to use phrases like "double fault" and "wide of the service box" and "what a racket". 2/10

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)