So what do you get when you combine the Internet with a sex advice column? This. If there's anything the Internet is good for it's giving out sex advice because it's clear that people who spend a lot of time posting on forums know a lot about sex.
I have my rabbi on speed dial for situations like this. 
Just out of curiosity, did you have a father? Oh, no reason, I'm just wondering. 
Yeah, get the good kind. 
Then do gonzo porn. 
Honey please put a finger in my ass and tickle my turds. 
That's odd. Usually my cum sets up camp in the vulva for a couple days before heading all the way in. See a doctor? 
You jerk off with your left hand? Ewwww. Right all the way. 
His username is "jpn8155". Of course he wants to torture and humiliate his girlfriend. Give him a break! 
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.
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- LoveByrd and Donkey Kong Universe
- Doll War and BodyMod
- Nintendo Forums, Mad Philosophers, and Snafu
- Amazon.com
- XXX Porn Talk, JustUsBoys, and Zombie Squad
