!! Mariah is still missing !!

!! Mariah is still missing !!, submitted by Jeremy. Hey gang, I'm kind of tired of being negative all the time, so today I'm going to do something positive. This Awful Link of the Day is not that thing, however. This site is dedicated to a parrot that was stolen and her owner's epic quest to get her back. According to the site, which was last updated in October, the beloved bird has been missing for two years. I think it's pretty safe to say the bird is either or dead working as a prostitute in the parrot world. At least that's how it works with humans, and I should know because I own a television set. To make matters worse, Mariah's crazy owner wrote a poem:

As we grew,
she seemed to never age
A loud voice talking
from her home, her cage.
Supposed to be with
us throughout the years
Then one night our worst fears.
Mariah was our bird as long as I knew
She knew our names, was a part of the family too,
She crowed like a rooster and meowed like a cat
Do you know a bird that can do that?
She was happy, we knew she was
A few reasons we knew were because:
She made us happy through the years
Now all we have are memories and tears.
Our memories are good and that's okay
But without her it's just not the same.
Where ever she is, I know she speaks
And until she's back we'll just seek
Our stolen member of the Family.

YOUR BIRD IS DEAD, WOMAN. GET A NEW ONE AND SHUT UP. ALSO IT WASN'T STOLEN, IT RAN AWAY.

There is a

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)