Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, submitted by CapnMorgan. Prolific Greek philosopher Chrysippus, founder of the school of stoicism, died of laughter when he saw a donkey eating figs. If all it took was an ass and some fruit then how about an asshole and a fruit energy drink? Let's hope Steven Seagal doesn't kill us with the preposterous sight of his name-branded beverage.

Lightning Bolt, the one and only energy drink crafted by martial arts expert and herbal specialist Steven Seagal, is the only all natural 100% juice energy drink on the market. This long lasting energy elixir is made with key ingredients from all over the globe. With a healthy dosing of Tibetan Goji Berry, Asian Cordyceps, B-Vitamins, Green Tea, Yerba Mate, Ginseng, Ginkgo Biloba, Guarana, and Policosanols, Lightning Bolt will give you the strength you need to punch your adversary’s faces through plate glass windows day in and day out!

Asian Experience? Is that like a "gay experience" or something? Steven Seagal is canning a carbonated version of the time he put on a kimono and ate sushi with "Under Siege" stunt coordinator Franky Woo.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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