The Definitive Web

The Definitive Web, submitted by TP. Looks like Roger Makoe has some competition… in the form of the Definitive Web!

Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression . . . let us design your web site so you STAND OUT IN THE CROWD!

Research reveals that 220 million people are on the Internet now & 420 people sign up every minute. Would you like us to use our design & internet marketing expertise to help you capture that growing marketplace?

WE ARE DEDICATED TO USING ALL OF OUR DESIGN EXPERTISE IN BEHALF OF OUR CLIENTS SO THAT THEIR WEB SITE NOT ONLY MEETS THEIR NEEDS BUT EXCEEDS THEIR EXPECTATIONS!

Amazingly enough, numerous people have paid this no-talent hag good money to produce ugly, plain web pages that a five year old with a crayon and a copy of Netscape Gold version 2.0 could slap together in about the time it takes him to jam a jar of peanut butter in the corpse of homeless street performer. Check out her amazing "interactive flash" which is neither interactive, nor flashy.

I studied this site quite thoroughly, wading through the gobs of self-congratulatory text obviously copied from a “How to market your pathetic array of sub-standard Internet services for Dummies” book, and I’ve determined the following: Linda, the creator of this site and this poor excuse for a business, is really fat. Furthermore - just to prove that I’m not being chauvinistic – I’m pretty sure she was a real slut in high school. Note the bondage-like animated gif featured in the logo of the Definitive Web, for example. Not only was Linda willing to sleep with just about anything that moved, she was only too happy to engage in kinky games of sexual chance with their neighbors pets while doing so.

In conclusion, give Linda a call if you’re looking for good web design. Or a good time!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)