Game Grumps Triggers (Thanks, Steampunk iPhone!)

Want to watch some strangers on the Internet play video games, but worried they might say something mildly upsetting? Fear not! Game Grumps Triggers will let you know when to cover your eyes and ears!

The blog's moderators methodically comb through videos from the popular Let's Play group Game Grumps for offensive content and issue trigger warnings for anything that could potentially distress the fragile flowers of Tumblr. They're so thorough they even put warnings for warnings!

Now, the Game Grumps aren't bad people, they're "still unlearning a lot of toxic and harmful mindsets." As you strive to become a paragon of social justice, here are some big no-no's you should avoid:

• Saying you're going to barf. This is the most common "sin" of the Grumps.

• Using the word "cr*zy." This is both an ableist (discriminatory against the disabled) and "sanist" slur. Sanity is a privilege, you know.

• Using the word "dumb," which is another ableist slur, but apparently not quite heinous enough to get the asterisk treatment.

• Jumprope rhymes.

• Jokingly claiming you had an abortion, which could trigger ... somebody, probably: "i'm not sure what trigger this falls under."

• Referencing death while playing video games, the medium where you die a bunch of times. Check your aliveness privilege at the door, buddy.

• Mentioning food. This game where you're a piece of bread is trigger city.

• Jokes about Pikachu smoking weed.

• Quoting a rap lyric, which is categorized under "Racism (?)." The question mark means they're not exactly sure how it's racist, they just know it must be bad for some reason. Just to be on the safe side, don't quote anyone.

• Historical facts.Mentioning that white people massacred Native Americans isn't necessarily racism, but it's "still a racism-based topic" and should be avoided.

Please note that suggesting that people who go into convulsions at the sight of a gingerbread house should seek help is problematic, because it implies they have a problem that needs "fixing" (well, yeah). Just stay in your trigger-free bubble and avoid facing your issues forever, folks; surely everything will work out fine!

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)