Poopy Packages

Twenty years ago, the World Wide Web opened to the public, heralding a new era of instantaneous global communication. Today, you can use it to mail poop to people.

Poopy Packages allows you to prank your enemies by sending them "the biggest, stinkiest pile of poo they've ever laid their nose on," as if mail carriers don't have enough crap to deal with. Sometimes you just want to mail some poop but can't be bothered to find some yourself, y'know? This is the market Poopy Packages hopes to conquer, one turd at a time.

Before you ask: No, they're not using human feces. Did you really think a reputable business like Poopy Packages would stoop to that level?? The Poopy Packages are made from only the finest organic feces cultivated from the highest quality sources, including "Prime Cat Poo" (not clear what makes it "prime," maybe the cat eats a steady diet of Fancy Feast?) and "Thick Dollop of Horse Poo." Now that's some primo poo. The person you're pranking will really appreciate the difference!

Not pictured: The "Pukey Package," because the promo image they use for that one is really beyond the pale.

The more adventurous prankster can pony up 55 bucks for the "Pukey Package Special," which is probably just puke from the person who puts the Poopy Packages together. They encourage you to "mix and match" the puke with one or all of the other Poopy Packages. At this point the biggest victims of the prank seem to be the person doing the mixing and the person spending money for it. Everybody loses!

Now, Poopy Packages is a professional business (you can tell because they haven't bothered to remove or change the social media links to the free website template service they used), so they've included a disclaimer where you agree not to use Poopy Packages for harassment, which is illegal. I don't think the disclaimer was necessary, though. How could anyone consider receiving an anonymous package of horse turds in the mail a form of harassment?

Oh, I forgot to mention, Poopy Packages is only available in Australia, and they say they're legally not allowed to include personal messages. So, according to the Australian postal service, sending feces is okay, but sending feces with messages is not. What a country!

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)