Atma

Your minions' faces are locked in an expression of great sorrow. You can feel their emotions in the back of your mind.

"Why..." they wail synchronously.

You notice no change in your egg level.

Brinner

> just look at whats under the fucking tarp already.

Robbie Fowler

> EAT POCKET BEANS

NecroMonster

> make minions perform fusion dance until only one super minion remains.

Atma

You casually toss beans into your mouth as you flip open the tarp on the boat the men were hauling.

Littered among various tools, books, and survival supplies, you see at least a dozen frozen bodies arranged neatly.

Your men huddle around and look down at them with sympathy, then turn to you and speak synchronously.

"We are taking them with us. We can't let her have them. No man deserves what she does to them, not even in death."

"Oh, that's nice," you respond as you crunch on the last of the frozen beans. You feel no effect and lose the beans from your inventory.

Under your command, the men reluctantly draw closer together. You teach them the method of fusion you learned by using the Egg.

With each man possessing a limited form of some of the Egg's power, they are able to fuse their bodies together.

One man's limbs melt into another's. Screams of pain follow flashes of light and smells of burning flesh as their bodies arrange themselves in ways nature never intended.

The sound of each fusion is like a giant sheet of paper being crushed between two buckets of meat.

The end result is a screaming, skittering abomination that cracks its joints awkwardly as it shuffles across the ice. Bound to them through the egg, you feel their agony somewhere in the back of your mind.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful