"The Beach" has remained one of the most popular summer vacation spots for decades running, but at this point is it just resting on its reputation? BYOB scoured various review sites to give readers an up-to-the-moment understanding of how "The Beach" as a concept rates these days.

Jimi Changa

this place is GROSS and DISGUSTING!!!

first of all, the ground is covered in cat litter or maybe its the stuff they put in ashtrays i dont know but YUCK!!! what idiot decided that was a good idea. also the water smels like crotches and i saw a bug. it crawled on my arm this place is a joke. the hot dogs are ok though. 2/5


google THIS

Not the real ocean

What is this dumb crap? I watched the "ocean" for hours and not once did I see a whale, a shark, or a manta ray. I told my son he would get to meet Nemo and Dory and he was so disappointed. No corals or squids or dolphins? It was clearly just a big vat of salt flavored water. I want my money back.

1/5 This beach is a scam artist


landy.

Way too crowded. My treasure was found before i could even paint the x. 0/5


Jimi Changa

Came here to bury my nemesis up to his neck at low tide like Ted Danson in Creepshow. 5/5


treasure bear

The water got bigger? my sand castle was destroyed and we had to move. Who did this?


Thingyman

i tried to join a game of volleyball but they would not let me play. i tried to explain that i was a fun person and had taken a volleyball class, but they would still not let me play. i then attempted to demonstrate both of these facts, but they would not watch my demonstrations.

2/5 this beach is mean.


Piso Mojado

STILL VOMITING

After hearing about the romantic atmosphere from friends, my husband and I decided we had to see it for ourselves. The service was slow, the dress code atrocious, and worst of all - our crab were under-portioned as well as under-cooked. This would explain why I've been vomiting and pooping for nearly 48 hours straight. Worst experience of my LIFE!


i flunked out

Let me just preface this review by saying that when I went to the beach, I was expecting a calm, relaxing, afternoon laying in the beautiful sand and reading. What I experienced tho, was the complete opposite. First of all, someone needs to clean this place up. There's sticks all over the place, you couldn't go anywhere without stumbling upon rotting plants even in the water (seriously, who keeps killing the plants here?), and get this, there's charcoal everywhere. Couldn't any one of the numerous people that work here have done some quick cleaning before the start of the day? I mean come on. And don't get me started on all of the noise. Children screaming (I mean come on, really? Children? At a place like the beach?), gulls screaming, and for some reason the waves were extra big and loud. Who really wants the waves to be that big and loud anyways? I mean, really. Overall a terrible experience, and I wont be coming back.

1/5 STARS. The one star is because my husband enjoyed splashing in the shallows.


Cyber Dog

A Fine Beach

I was skeptical about the beach at first due to the TRUCKLOADS of complaints it had gotten, but me and wifey just HAD to check it out! And WHAT A VIEW!

There's an OCEAN of WATER practically right in front of you! Jellyfish galore! Someone even let a DOG run on the SAND!

It was some of the most fun I've ever had, and I've been to THE PARK! 5/5


Jimi Changa

My nemesis buried me here up to my neck at low tide like Ted Danson in Creepshow. 0/5

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful