Fun with Football!

So, the NFL regular season kicked off last week. This came as a tremendous surprise to the Kansas City Chiefs, who seemingly remain unaware that the preseason ever started. Speaking of tremendous surprises, casual readers of SA's Football Funhouse sub-forum were probably startled when the 49ers defeated the Seahawks 33-17 on Opening Sunday, partially because Ted Ginn Jr. played a crucial role in the victory, but primarily because TFF regular may contain peanuts led them to believe, over the course of 300+ posts, that a San Francisco win over vaunted Seattle would be the most unfathomable happening in the history of sports and human existence!

Thanks to kidcoelacanth for compiling may contain peanuts' posts! He also wrote this intro to set the scene:

"January 7, 2011. The NFL playoffs were upon TFF once again, and the 7-9 Seattle Seahawks had snuck in as the first-ever losing team in the postseason. Forums poster Luminous Cow dropped a thread on the forums, asking for ridiculous Toxx clauses [outrageous promises tied to unlikely events that a vow-maker must fulfill if said unlikely event come to pass, under pain of a banned account] for posters to perform, given a win or loss by a team, or performances by individual players. Most of these involved new avatars or donations to charities. One 49ers fan decided to go a step beyond that:

may contain peanuts posted: "If the Seahawks win, the next 600 posts I make following their victory will include glowing praise of Pete Carroll's Seattle Seahawks, including reasons why they are a better team than the San Francisco 49ers."

No one actually expected the Seahawks to get anywhere in the playoffs, up against the defending Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints.

Things did not go as planned.

FUCK SNEEP posted:

KFCB posted:

With that earth-rocking run, the Seahawks shocked the world and moved on in the playoffs. For our friend may contain peanuts, the next five months were about to become very entertaining (for the rest of us). Like a champ, he started the next morning off right, in the Toxx Fulfillment Thread.

Silly Burrito posted:

may contain peanuts posted:

Morning, goons. Great game by the Seattle Seahawks last night. They just play so well in all three phases of the game, that passing attack is unstoppable (4 passing TDs!), great job by their defense, special teams won the field position battle all night, and you know, I think a lot of it is directly attributable to Pete Carroll, he wants to win and these players play hard for him. That's why they're in the playoffs, which incidentally is where the 49ers are not. In them. Them being the playoffs. 49ers aren't in the playoffs, Seahawks are.

Frank Gore wishes he could pull off runs like this. He can't though because he's not as good as Marshawn Lynch. Seahawks just have a way better running game, and I think that's a big part of why they're winning in the playoffs while the 49ers are watching from home.

leica posted:

Speaking of Lynch the Bills are really dumb for trading him, happy for him now, but as a Bills fan I thought it was a retarded move. Seahawks made out on that deal big time.

may contain peanuts posted:

Well, in fairness to the Bills, there's just something about being on the Seattle Seahawks that brings out the best in a player. It's kind of like the 49ers but in reverse.

may contain peanuts posted:

I don't think makes you a bad person. For example you take a guy like Golden Tate, who got high and robbed a donut shop, but he's one of the best young receivers in the NFL. Already he's better than anyone currently on the 49ers is, or ever was.

may contain peanuts posted:

You know who's a good players coach? Pete Carroll. He's kinda like what Jim Harbaugh would be like with charisma and poise and knowledge about football and if he wasn't so ugly.

Eventually, may contain peanuts ventured outside The Football Funhouse, but he managed to remain on-topic!

may contain peanuts posted:

I only read one Animorphs book. It was about uh, it was like a guy who had turned into an eagle, but then he was an eagle for too long and then he couldn't change back, or something. I dunno. I guess I didn't really see the appeal.

You know what would be a great animal to turn into, is a Seahawk. Then you wouldn't mind not being able to change back, because you'd already be the best animal. Flying around, hunting wild 49ers for sport, good stuff.