As a child, I was mentally scarred for life after being told about the evil of Santa Claus. I believe that living in perpetual fear of a bearded man who wanted to sneak into my house in the middle of the night contributed towards my alcohol addiction which plagued me all throughout middle school. For some reason, there are a bunch of kids who would openly invite Santa into their homes, and will write letters to him like a whore lusting after her next jailbird. Our jolly forum goons found a big deposit of these letters and decided to illustrate them because they had nothing more important to do in their insignificant lives. Hang onto the dying embers of festive cheer by enjoying the following images!

All 935 wants for Christmas is for the molestation to stop.

Canis Ex Machina can rest easy. Santa knows that help is coming.

Dr. Guillotin is responsible for this double dose of festive cheer.

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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

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