a very conplicated question. one of the best pieces of advice i have been given is to always make sure what you have to say is 140 characters or less otherwise they'll only listen to the first part


correct their swearing after the important part of the discussion is over with

little munchkin

a good way to connect with your teen is to describe things as "dope". it's teenage slang that means you think something is good


Me: *throwing a fidget spinner across the room* so what do you cool bros think about Mike's hard lemonade? *dab*

hockey jockey

Get an instagram account and comment on all their half naked selfies in a supportive and nurturing fashion.

'Look at my lil boy so grown up lol!!! Know ur hot ass is gonna ace GCSE French tomorrow at 9.30am!'

Plebian Parasite

I always fly a drone into his room and filter my voice to make it sound more robotic. He finds the soulless droning of my voice and the thrumming of the rotary blades to be comforting enough to bare his soul, and with an onboard camera i can send the video file directly to the therapist as well.


If your teen won't listen to you, try designing and releasing a cool indie game instead, where some of the in-game instructions say what you want to say

"Good job defeating that dragon with your cool dance moves!"
"Oh jeez, now we've got a wyvern approaching, she'll eat all the farmer's sheep. It would help out village a lot if you would go clean your room and tell your dad how school was today, then challenge this creature to another dance-off."


Threaten to make their baby pictures into memes


As a responsible parent I of course installed the Uber app on all my children's phones. Where I excel as a parent is I got my Uber license and drive them around and charge them, thereby teaching them the value of money, how to be responsible with needing a ride someplace, plus their mother and I know where they are and who they're with


steampunk all the way

need your teen to vacuum? glue some gears and shit to your vacuum cleaner, they will want to use it because it looks cool

kid needs to study harder? glue gears to textbook, BAM

they need a new iphone to reassert their social status? glue some gears to their old iphone, they'll be the envy of their peer group

once you know the formula, there's no problem you can't solve quickly and cheaply, esp. if you buy gears and glue in bulk


We have changed the wifi password and wont tell you what it is until you explain whatever is going on with you and your boyfriend Mike. We're here to listen and we love you. But we can't help unless you talk to us. The password contains both alpha and numeric characters so you have no chance of GUESSING IT! Tacos for dinner, love.


my son and i don't speak in the clasical sense and instead choose to communicate through a series of interpretive vape tricks and intricate yo-yo maneuvers


Sit them down with a serious and yet not stern tone. Hand them a spoon and ask them to hold it. Thank them then talk about whatever serious issue you have. They will be too confused by the spoon to fight you. The key is to remain serious and make sure that you do not laugh at all unless relevant to the conversation. You ignore the spoon.


hey there kiddo... before we get into this, please understand i'm doing this because i love you. so... your principal called me today and told me that you have been acting up in school recently... i'm going to show you several photos of your mother and me when we acted up in school and made a "you." perhaps this will damage you enough, mentally AND emotionally, to the point of being unable to speak and therefore act up.

also please understand... this hurts me more than it hurts you. that position was very uncomfortable but your mother LOVES IT


i just scream into a trumpet like a peanuts adult until they fuck off, lousy kids

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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