Twenty Four

I didn't see it asked here, sorry if I missed it, but what is the deal with Rangers? I mean they use bows and arrows, I get that, but???


They are basically just fighters who use bows instead of swords and shit. They think they are so far above everyone else because they can befriend an animal (presumably because the animal can't understand how insufferable they can be).

The Ghoul

Rangers are weak. What happens when your bow breaks or you run out of arrows? Do you call on an animal to fight for you? Of course not, because THERE ARE NO FOREST ANIMALS IN DUNGEONS, DIP SHIT! So the rest of the party has to carry you as you whine about your cut of the loot even though you stopped contributing 10 minutes into the adventure.

Even rouges are more useful! At least they know a couple spells to help out when things turn sour. Plus, they know what skills are useful in dungeoneering and will detect traps for the party.

Go back to the woods with those leaf-smoking elves! No one wants you in their party!


Really? Stereotype much? Some of us are just looking to get by, man. Just live and let live, you know, as long as it doesn't conflicts with my interests.

I dropped out of college, I really wasn't all that into being a bard. It seemed cool at first, but I realized early on unless you wound up becoming one of those roving acts that sold out village after village on a nightly basis eventually the chicks and the gold would dry up. I didn't want to end up one of those old fat bards you see playing backwater inns for some ale and a bed. That and the faculty at the college felt my charisma wasn't high enough, I didn't have "it."

Really didn't want to go back to the farm either. Yes, it was a good way for my dad to provide for us, but I wanted something more.

I wandered for a bit and took odd jobs and just sort of fell into a career. I eventually started my own business and became an independent contractor. While it sounds cool on the surface, being a chaotic neutral human ranger is not all its cracked up to be. Sure, I keep my own hours and am my own boss, but there are some drawbacks.

  • The clientele and cohorts you get adventure-grouped with can leave a lot to be desired. I try not to work with necromancers - they are the sickest fucks in the realm.
  • Working with Wizards is frustrating too. You ask for a healing and they get all bent out of shape and pissy: "Dude, can we save the snarky rhetorical 'that shit is so beneath me' crap for later? I am bleeding out here." Then there's the Paladins, they are overall just loathsome. All the time with the righteous this and moral that, STFU!! already!!!

The work can sometimes be totally crappy and makes no sense yet often that just leads to more work. One week you are paid to help protect a village, the next you get a gig to help sack the same village. Maybe one month you get paid to keep some guy from killing a bunch of orphans and the next the same guy contracts you to help harvest them. When it works out like that, though, it makes my job easier: When orphans come running at you arms open wide, they make easy targets.

As far as using bows, why wouldn't you? It's more efficient. I can take out more things, enemies, and baddies over greater distances more quickly. Trust me, if you are paying me for my services you want me dropping the maximum amount of whatevers as quickly as I can, time is money. It's a job, why make it harder than it needs to be?

Oh, and I wouldn't say that I've ever had an animal "befriend" me. Sure, I get along with most of them OK, and horses and dogs just seem to be drawn to me, but I've always chalked that up as part of being a ranger. Being out in the wilderness as much as you are in this job, you don't get to bathe as often as you probably should. It's the smell more than anything that has animals interested in us. Its not that we think "are so far above everyone else," it's more like we just stink to the high heavens. If I had regular access to a bath and some soap, critters would be running from me like they do everyone else.

I am glad you came out as a wizard and all but dude.. You are little judgmental at the same time you are expecting us all to just blanket-accept you. I guess you can't help it, entitlement is just a wizard thing.


If you want to kill things efficiently from a range, just be a Wizard. Or is your INT too low?

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful