Zack: Yes, welcome to the great minds of TSR UK, where they take a formidable monster like a gorilla and make it less capable by removing its opposable thumbs.
Steve: They gave it claws and a bear hug, which is better.
Zack: Counterpoint: a regular gorilla can tear out all your bones and punch your meat through a tree trunk.
Steve: More creatures need the description of "hugs for X damage."
Zack: You would think our noir friend Hook Horror would have been a prime candidate for some damaging hugs.
Steve: Hook Horror has got enough problems trying to open that jar. The last thing he needs is for somebody to steal his tender hugs from him.
Zack: Yeah, like TSR UK did to this poor, unsuspecting gorilla when they replaced its thumbs and fingers with a giant clawed flipper. Now how is Koko the Gorilla Bear going to tell us she love kitten?Steve: Here's a hint: it inflicts 2-12 damage.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.