November 5, 2007

~*~ The TV IV ~*~
Reppin': rubber cat
Keep up with your favorite shows and discuss their intricacies with loads and loads of people with nothing better to do than to count how many times Jim looked at the camera last week.

Writers Guild of America strike - The start of our long national nightmare - Yeah so all the TV writers decided to strike cuz they ain't getting enough $bling$ from DVD sales so come midseason there's prolly gonna be a bunch of dumb ass reality shows and game shows or whatever. Don't bother reading the thread about the strike in gbs or any other forum because tv iv has some people who actually know about television droppin down some serious knowledge bombs like nobodys business. Little known fact: the union also covers people who write about forums about TV shows, so I'm gonna have to step out to go picket outside NBC with the guy who writes all the OJ jokes for Leno

The Office - "Branch Wars" at 9 - WET BUTT: The funniest person in this thread is that Spy guy that posts his updated opinion on the show every week and responds to everyone that mentions people that don't like the show. I call it "The Life of Spy" and I can't wait for Friday some weeks

Smallville Season 7 - Chloe's Tears Have Healing Powers - heat vision: I really wonder if these kinds of things are known in the writers' room and they just say, "Fuck it. No one in the audience is going to care" or worse "Fuck it. No one watching this show is smart enough to notice these glaring inconsistencies." It would take all of an hour to review a script with these things in it and just come up with a more reasonable scenario - Lara could have virtually visited Earth through some probe that Jor-El sent in advance of sending Kal-El - it may not be a great idea, but it's better than her coming through a portal. And as has been mentioned, why would they return to a war torn planet on the verge of destruction where they are normal when they could freely travel to Earth and be gods? It makes no sense.

I can't do this all on my own. No , I know I'm no Superman. Scrubs season 7 - Timo: Obviously you have never talked to a woman who was giving birth. Even just pregnant. They are the most illogical beasts ever because they know they can get away with it.

God Returns: Joss Whedon announces new show and subsequent cancellation of new show - BrandonGK: A quirky show with an offbeat premise on Fox? It'll be deader then Lincoln in a matter of weeks. I'm pretty sure it'll be good, and the Whedon fanboys will certainly treat it like the second coming of Christ, but I'm not holding my breath that it will be anything more than a cult favorite cancelled before it's time.

A US Remake of Spaced, NO! - GameQuoter:

~*~ BYOB ~*~
Reppin': CaptainWinky
BYOB is all about maxin' and relaxin'. Attempt any other activities and you will quickly find yourself at the wrong end of an angry nerd's keyboard! It's blue and all you're supposed to do is chill with your friends, making it almost exactly like being trapped in a collapsed igloo with the math team.

HOLY SHIT look at todays Mallard Fillmore!!! - Mallard Fillmore, like 99% of all newspaper comics, can only be improved by replacing the text with non-sequiturs or miniature Goatses. I read Gasoline Alley and Annie the way some religious types flog or crucify themselves.

katie chicken eyes.jpg - Lotus seed pods 2.0. Don't say I didn't warn you.

1 day left until the holiday avatar season begins. are you ready? - Oh shit! My posting calendar tells me I'm dangerously close to missing out on Thanksgiving and Christmas avatars. I can still make it, but only if my hands are swift and sure so that I can properly render buddy.gif with a Santa hat and his hand up a turkey's ass. Two birds, one stone. That's how I yob for maximum efficiency, freeing me up for more time = more posts = more wootage.

what are the "standard" crisp/chip flavo(u)rs in your country? - At first I had trouble understanding this thread because my brain just kind of froze up on the word "crisp" in the title. Once a friend kindly reminded me that crisp is the UK term for potato chip, I let out an "ohhhhh" of understanding. Then my brain froze up again because I could never decide between "Sour Cream and Onion," "Mesquite Malarkey," or "Who Cut the Cheddar Cheese?".

~*~ Serious Hardware / Software Crap ~*~
Reppin': EVIR Gibson
So you think your iPhone is all that? Well, check out this cell phone that I've installed Linux on! Sure, it was made in 2001... and it can't really make calls, BUT LOOK IT CAN DISPLAY A PENGUIN!

nVidia 8800GT card kills all competition - This is technology at it's finest. Newest Nvidia comes out and every one start lamenting what they spent $400 on when a $200 card beats it soundly. For added laughs, make sure to check out SA-Mart and look at all the people trying to sell their old-and-busted $400 cards for their original price.

Comcast Sandvining Google? Captures within. - So there is this ISP that contacted this other company saying, "Hey, stop all the torrents", and the other company says, "Hey, we are going to sell you something to help you do that!" Then they go off and eat some Laffy Taffys at the pool snack area. But it seems there is something strange with the ISP ever since this software was installed, as a goon discovered. Sometimes Google just won't return with anything. He posts proof that it's the DNS giving him the wrong information.

Gmail now offers IMAP!* - Just a little 411 to the people out there, like me, who hate POP email access. Check your account details in Gmail and see if you can connect to their awesome IMAP servers!

~*~ Games ~*~
Reppin': Mr. Onslaught
It's Halloween theme time for this week's slate of threads, so to get in the mood I've been cosplaying as Cloud Squall from the epic masterpiece "Final Fantasy:The Spirits Within."

Games everyone else says sucks but THAT JYUST AINT TRUE - I don't care what anyone says, Ribbit King is the epitome of mascot based sports games.

My boyfriend cheated on me! And now he's going on vacation with me! - This "Let's Play" thread will make you deeply regret not getting Sprung out of the bargain bin.

this is basically my new favorite thing to do - What makes Crysis more appealing, the amazing graphics or the hilarious glitches?

~*~ The Book Barn ~*~
Reppin': Mr. SM Holocaust
You may be interested to know that people other than social mutants regularly read books.
There are probably only like 4 of them out there, but they do exist.

"This nightmarish picture of burning souls trapped in a world aflame is blaring from millions of stereos in teenage bedrooms across America. Each one is an altar to Satan, dripping with the doctrines of devils. Is one of these blackened altars in YOUR home?"
-Jeff Godwin, Dancing With Demons: the Music's Real Master

The "best" translations of the classics?
A thread that is worth its weight in gold because a bad translation can turn what should be a decent read into a King James-ian trainwreck of "thees", "whilsts" and "thous".

WW2 History
A good thread for those looking to dip their toes into the turgid waters of WW2 non-fiction but are stuck for a good starting point.

Writing a book - Is it possible?

A notable thread in that like Erich Remarque's All Quiet On The Western Front it begins with our protagonists ready to tackle the world (of writing instead of the Marne) with an enthusiasm that is usually unattainable without Sean Connery screaming in your ear. Reading it, you'll excitedly sit there expecting David Eggers to emerge from your screen, hand you a pen and say, "JUST DO IT, DUDE!" before withdrawing in a flutter of trumpet blasts and cherubs. You'll punch your desk and swear to dedicate three hours a night to writing. YOU HAVE A PURPOSE. Everyone has been telling you that your life should be a sitcom or, that fabled compliment, you should be writing for the Simpsons. FUCK YEAH. LET'S DO THIS, COACH.

But all rising action must fall. Goons cry havoc and release the dogs of cynicism and failure. Someone posts that only 4% of Americans read and slowly the thread turns, step by step... another asks how much of those read were Harry Potter? How many were... The DaVinci Code?

Hey look a butterfly.

Vampire/Zombie/Horror books]
Wisely shying wide of Ann Rice, this TBBer wants to know some good horror in the vein of vampires and zombies (OH MY!).

Cold War Espionage Thrillers
Komrade, vouldt you be perhaps interested in buyink overwrought, escapist spy drama dictated by Tom Klancy to ghost writers, yes?

TobleroneTriangular: still the gold standard of fucking insane His previous thread is now Goldmined (in the new Helldump Goldmine) but that bastard is still crazy as hell.
"I'm guessing these happen to be cultures who haven't landed on it; aren't they? The guy who replied to you already said it best; I'm sure disease and storms were great sacred "mysteries" for cavemen as well, but science gave us the power to understand those and control them. Surely being able to control a disease or control a storm or harness the moon is a thousand times more symbolic and powerful than hiding from them in ignorance and fear and those are the things we should value as a race."
TIME TO HARNESS THE MOON!

Ask/Telk: Child porn watchers - "Heros, not monsters" Yes, someone actually made the argument that people who watch child porn are actually heroes for not molesting children and instead just watched child porn. Hey, I didn't murder anybody today. Give me a fucking medal! For completeness here's the actual quote.
"yeah, leave the gays that JUST want to bang some guys alone, they never did anything wrong

i realize that child abuse is by definition required for making kiddie porn in the first place, but even if it really is kiddie porn (remember we still have no idea), from the sound of things the roommate isn't paying for it (read: supporting child rapists), and hasn't actually abused any kids himself, give him a fucking break. pedophiles are no different from people with Darwinian tubercles or lazy eyes, aside from that minor detail where most of them suffer their entire lives never being able to romantically love anyone and constantly thirsting to abuse children and managing to restrain themselves. yes raping kids is disgusting and reprehensible but tons of pedos manage to simply live in misery without acting on it; that makes them heroes, not monsters"

Goon Quirk Leaves A Mess (PICS) A.S.H. is pissed off that his goon roommate (Quirk) left the house they were sharing the rent on with a big mess. But it turns out that A.S.H. is actually a racist pot-head! Whoops! Then Quirk shows up and all sorts of fun happens.

Just because animals can't talk doesn't mean they can't give consent. YES IT DOES! DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ANIMALS! Also, "In layman's terms, if there's grass on the field, play ball." Just to be safe, just stay away from this guy.

~*~ Batman's Shameful Secret ~*~
Reppin': muscles like this?
"Urrrrsulllaaa!!" Was there ever a comic book where some guy died and screamed out "Ursullaaaa!"? Because if so maybe he was calling out someone's name or maybe he was just dying really bad.
(Ursula is a terrible name is what I'm trying to say.)

In Brightest Day... Green Lantern Movie News Hey, they're making a Green Lantern movie! It will be fun to see how they screw this up after such wonderful DC character movies like Catwoman and Steel!

Nananananananana Nananananananana BAT-THREAAAAAAD! There's a crossover going on in all of the Bat-books right now about the resurrection of Ra's al Ghul. Nigga was cremated though, so how does that work? Read the book to find out, jerk.

Countdown to Infinite Funny Panels Thread New funny panel thread time. Although some people were being jackasses about it and as such there are new rules. No posts without a funny panel... jerks.

Funny Panel of the Week!
thanks duz.

~*~ Pet Island ~*~
Reppin': light_urple
Are you a pet fan? A fan of pets? Do you kiss your pets more than you kiss people? Have you ever given a cat CPR? Do you sometimes wish you could have pot-bellied pig babies? You disgust me.

The Continuing Adventures of Henrietta - If you didn't check out the original Henrietta thread, make sure you start with the link in the OP! Now that the original has been goldmined, this thread is a continuation of her adventures in her new home.

Gilbert the Bastard Skunk - Skunks might make shitty pets, but damn, are they cute!

Owning pets in a dorm: FAQ and suggestions - Cuddlebottom starts a nice catch-all thread for all the people who drop by PI asking for suggestions for good dorm pets. We've had a LOT of these lately.

~*~ Goons With Spoons ~*~
Reppin': Mr. Wiggles
If you've gotten as far as to read Internet articles about Internet forums (as you apparently have) but you're still not killing yourself by eating dishes of incredible unhealthiness devised by fellow Internet people, well I just don't know what to do with you.

What happened to Molson Ice? - What's the word? Thunderbird! What's the price? Thirty Twice!

Super special Euroean style Butter! - Write your congressman TODAY and demand that unpasteurized dairy products be allowed for sale!

Turkey Day is Drawing Nigh!
- Turning and turning in the widening fire
The turkey cannot hear the cook;
Things fall apart; the centre is not bloody;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the pan,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is turned into delicious gravy;
The best lack all dryness, while the worst
Are full of passionate salmonella bacteria.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Seconds and Thirds are at hand.
The Seconds! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Deliciousness Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the salt shaker
A shape with well fattened body and without a head,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the 325 degree oven,
Is moving its moist thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant spilled bits of stuffing.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That 6 hours of moisture locking sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a kitchen timer,
And what delicious beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards the carving table to be born?

– Jon "@fart" Hendren (@fart)