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Hatesphere, "Floating"

DFH: Is this a commercial for car safety?

het: No, it's like Koyaanisqatsi meets Heavy Metal Parking Lot, except that would actually be kind of amusing, whereas -- Oh my God, that dude looked like me!

GD: "Looked like." Way to be in this video. Do you still have that Beavis and Butthead T-shirt?

het: I use it as a rag.

GD: The woman didn't even really headbang.

het: Yeah, she showed up and was like "Uh, my agent didn't say anything about headbanging. I'll give you some hair strewn across my face, that's it."

het: I almost admire them for coming up with a concept and sticking to it, except I don't because the concept is stupid.

GD: Also, the name Hatesphere: what? "Check out the new Hatesphere album 'Radius of Rage.' The album cover pictures a compass stabbed into someone's back, with a circumference traced in blood!"

GD: I prefer Deathcahedron.

het: Despairamid. (Or Despyramid, your choice on spelling).

DFH: Cocktagon.

Insania, "Vecer, kdy Freud zpíval basem"

GD: This is a weird one, because it's hard to tell if it's just a really, really involved fan-made video.

GD: Do you think anyone has an "Insania" vanity plate?

het: Me.

GD: Mine is "KLF3AM."

het: OK, so she takes an elevator to the observatory where she meets pastiche-Johnny-Depp-Halloween-costume and his compatriots Top Hat, four eyes, and Dr. Strangelove. She seems pretty psyched, and then they take her clothes and... uhh is this... yes, it's turning into hentai. What the fuck, I totally didn't see that coming.

GD: Well, "Vecer, kdy Freud zpival basem" is Czech for "raped by a tentacle."

het: What was she doing there in the first place? "Hey guys, I brought over my Lost DVDs, wanna order some pizza OH SHIT."

het: So the tentacle machine is somehow using her to broadcast Insania concert footage. See, this is why I never got into steampunk.

Anew Revolution, "Done"

het: Honestly, 99 cent downloads were kind of revolutionary. Let's give credit where credit is due. And um, revolution is on the Internet, too. What is with these guys?

GD: Yeah, their examples range from the demonstrably false to the dumbfoundingly true ("Revolution is not a four-letter word.")

het: Oh boy, they're done with Gas Prices and Bottle Service. You know, I don't think these guys have ever been in a situation where bottle service affected their lives.

GD: These dudes remind me of Rev Theory. "Revolution is not Rev Theory."

het: "Revolution is not a music video," how meta.

GD: I bet these guys thought this video would really catch on, "Right Now"-style.

het: I normally don't dislike artists for making bad art, but dang, I really don't like these dudes.

GD: "Revolution is not black fingernail polish and eyeliner."

Hemoptysis, "Shadow of Death"

het: Do you think these guys just woke up? Like they sleep standing up with their instruments?

GD: "Wake up you guys, we don't have access to that abandoned graffiti-building set the whole day, you know!"

het: Man, you know the music wouldn't be that bad if they didn't have those stupid generic harsh vocals.

GD: One of the related videos is "cat making weird noises." Fire this singer, hire the cat, problem solved.

het: They should have chosen a different YouTube name, because I read "Hemoptysismetal" as "Hemoptys Is Metal."

GD: It would be even worse if they played Isis-style metal.

het: Well, yes it would, but that has nothing to do with the name.

GD: If you thought that name was bad, what do you think of "Hemoptychick of the Month"?

het: Man, that whole "Who Will Be the Next Hemoptychick?" graphic is pretty awful. The whole ultra-short plaid skirt thing gets creepy when you're genuinely not sure if the girl is legal. And the Asian girl on the right looks even younger, looks even less happy about being there, AND it looks like the redhead is strong-arming her into being there.

GD: "Now that's metal!" Who is writing these comments?

het: The skeezy guys who are going to be scamming on the Hemoptychicks at the next show, "Whoa, overtones of sex with minors and depressing girls with low self esteem? Now that's what I call metal!"

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller, het and Daryl "Fucking" Hall