Mr. T. J. MacNair decided to escalate affairs to the next level, and pulled out his internet big guns.

From: Macnachtan Arms
Sent: Saturday, January 13, 2007 11:56 AM
To: 'Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka'
Subject: RE: Possible slander at your website

By all means. Do what you must.

I also note that you so not have warnings on this site for people under the age of 18 years old. In my investigation I found that the poster of that article runs an adult oriented site. If I could find it that easy, I'm sure that others can too.


Uh oh! In my foolish rush to be a rushing fool, I had somehow forgotten to slap "WARNING: THIS SITE CONTAINS WORDS MOCKING DOGSWEATER CHEERLEADER WOMEN" graphics all over the site! How could I make such a terrible mistake? T.J. was all over me like white on anime. I had to choose the wording of my next email very carefully.

That's when I discovered this site of his:

This beautiful green masterpiece of HTML shares T.J.'s harrowing tale of persecution, paranoia, and deception, all in his noble pursuit of raising donkeys, llamas, and something called an "American Spotted Ass." His trials and tribulations include such horrendous events such as "several times someone has come and switched off the electric fence charger" and "several times someone has opened our gates, cut our fences, turned off the water spigot to our water troughs, stolen hay, stolen poultry, and many other things."

Oh my god. Making fun of dog hair cheerleader sweater women is one thing, but stealing hay? We've escalated things to a whole new level here, folks.

At this point, I thought if T.J. MacNair, Certified Private Investigator #67256 wanted to play tough with me, I'd play tough right back with him. This may sound like a segue to gay pornography, but trust me, it's really not.

From: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
Sent: Saturday, January 13, 2007 12:04 PM
To: 'Macnachtan Arms'
Subject: RE: Possible slander at your website

You'd better watch out buddy or else I swear I'll turn off your electric fence. Maybe I'll open a gate or two? Who knows! You do not know who you are messing with. I've turned off hundreds of electric fences in my day. Sometimes I turn them off, then turn them RIGHT… BACK… ON. You won't even know I was there. But oh I was. Lurking in the shadows. Ready to turn your electric fence off and on with a mere thought. I've stolen hay from people so powerful that it would blow your mind. Donald Trump? Oh you'd better believe I've stolen hay from him. Everybody is powerless against me. You can hide your hay, but I'll find it. You better believe me. And when I'm done flipping the switch on your electric fence, after I've opened a couple hundred gates, when I've swiped a few bales of hay from you, only then will I turn off the spigot to your water trough.

You think you can stop me? Hah. Think again. Nothing can stop me. I'm in your mind right now, stealing your brain's hay.

- Rich

It's this kind of cruel, cutthroat attitude that has made me number one in, uh, something, for the last, uh, some amount of years. Unfortunately, this did nothing but further enrage everybody's favorite Certified Private Investigator.

More Legal Threats

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful