When Bad Lieutenant was released in 1992 the groundbreaking film stunned audiences with its shocking and graphic portrayal of an aberrant police lieutenant. Critics received the film in much the way they might receive a mouthful of vomit during a kiss with a beautiful girl. Even those critics normally attracted to art house cinema considered the movie to be so relentlessly nihilistic that it was difficult to recommend.

Some critics did manage to come around on the film, but one group never viewed Bad Lieutenant as anything other than abject filth: the Motion Picture Association of America.

The MPAA's ratings board slapped the film with a "hard" NC-17 and forced director Abel Ferrara to make a number of deep cuts to get the movie to an "R" rating and larger theatrical release.

After months of digging, I have managed to discover the list of NC-17 citations given to Ferrara by the MPAA. This is the list of citations that qualify the film for an NC-17 rating. Any one item on the list was enough to earn it an NC-17 rating and Ferrara was forced to cut all 59 things out of the final film.

Today, for the first time, the world will learn what Bad Lieutenant might have been!

1. Bad Lieutenant's scrotum stretched out to create a "Tijuana Trampoline" for a Mexican jumping bean

2. Drugs or alcohol injected into a baby for luck

3. Part of a skeleton's hand hidden inside a vagina

4. Four instances of the unutterable profanity, which cannot be reproduced here

5. Turtle made to eat its own vomit through trickery or special effects

6. More than one consecutive minute of a man staring into the camera

7. Ghosts portrayed as real and/or consulted as experts

8. Erotic skullduggery

9. Good Lieutenant locked inside a freezer by Bad Lieutenant and thrown into river

10. Bad Lieutenant laughs and flushes goldfish down toilet

11. Semi-automatic weapon discharged inside a well or cistern more than twice

12. Destruction of federal property in the act of intercourse

13. Bad Firefighter seen using the restroom for emotional gratification

14. Sexual humiliation of house cats

15. Bad Lieutenant stands naked and eats canned pasta over his sink as his penis becomes visibly engorged

16. Babies utilized as the subject of an auction or in a barter transaction

17. Bad Astronaut admits to destroying Challenger space shuttle out of jealousy

18. Locomotives constructed prior to 1990 participating in a wedding ceremony

19. Birthday cake decoration used to advocate abortion

20. Bad Helicopter used twice to terrorize or maim wild horses

21. Bad Helicopter appears with the word "Fuckwagon" painted on the side

22. Bad Helicopter appears with a realistic image of a woman defecating on a rattlesnake painted on the side

23. Bad Helicopter seen using the restroom for emotional gratification

24. Ritualized torture and murder of a notary public

25. Depiction of a crab or lobster notarizing official police documents

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful