How to Get the Corn Out of the Pot

There is a corn in the pot. The pot is hot. The pot is full of water and the water is hot. It's all hot. The heat underneath is what is making it hot. How do you get the corn out of there?

You can reach in to the pot and try to grab the corn. The hot water will burn you and you will pull your hand away. If you put your arm in all the way it will probably hurt worse. No good.

You can kick the pot over to knock all the hot water out. The hot pot will burn your foot (because you aren't wearing shoes) and the hot water will burn everything it touches and also get it wet. Worst of all, the corn will probably fall on the ground.

You can force all the hot water out by pouring in a greater amount of a heavier liquid. The only problem is, that heavier liquid is molten magma. It's hotter and burnier than hot water. So you're really right back where you started, with hot water all over the place.

You can use a fishing pole to catch the corn like a fish. If there was a bait that would tantalize the corn. If such a bait exists, no one knows what it is. Or if they do, they're keeping that forbidden knowledge to themselves.

You can do an internet search for "corn magnet". I'm pretty sure there isn't a corn magnet that can be held above a hot pot of hot water to magically lift the hot corn with a funny sound slide whistle sound effect. But maybe if you're real good with computers you can do the search so fancy (with quotes and symbols like - and *) that you actually find a corn magnet.

Let's think about this logically. Let's attack the root of the problem. The whole thing is that the water is hotter than your skin, so when you reach in to grab the corn your skin gets burned. How about gradually increasing the temperature of your entire body until it is just as hot as the hot water? Then the water would have no effect. Oh, no. Wait. That would also mean the hot corn would only be as hot as your body, which would defeat the purpose of boiling it in the first place.

You could leave the corn in there. Leave it in the hot water. Leave the hot water in the hot pot. Leave the hot pot on the heat that makes it all hot. Say your goodbyes to the corn and the water and the pot. You would be able to look at them any time you felt like it, but they would forever be the hot things you couldn't touch.

And maybe, just maybe, there would be comfort in that. Acceptance.

Wait, what if you take two room temperature corns and make a pact with Satan to trade them for the corn in the pot? Satan is tricky but that's what the extra room temperature corn is for. Can't imagine him passing up that deal. This is the best plan so far.

– Dennis Farrell (@DennisFarrell)