Craigslist has finally caved under pressure from various officials to remove the Adult Services portion of their website, ineffectively ending prostitution on the popular classified ad site. I decided to take a look at Craigslist's prohibited items rules and figure what cool stuff I can and can't still get from the site.
| THINGS YOU CAN'T GET ON CRAIGSLIST | THINGS YOU CAN GET ON CRAIGSLIST |
 10,000 Live Bed Bugs Sorry, this is one status symbol you're going to have to earn the hard way: stay at a Holiday Inn Express. |  10,000 Dead Bed Bugs I need these for a project I'm doing called What it Feels Like to Be Me and yes, I am a scabby saddy's midnight meth itch. |
 Chinese Knock-off D&G Hand Bags Chinese people make the real ones too, but they're the good Chinese people. |  Chinese Knock-off H&K Water Guns Craigslist cares nothing for the IP of German war profiteers. |
 Human Blood It nourishes wicked vampire devils and is used in black magic rituals. Remember, warlocks, whatever energy you put out in the world will be returned to you threefold. A reckoning is coming, Owl City. |  Herbal Human Growth Hormone Bean juice. Human bean juice. I don't know what plant produces human hormones, but I bet it's in China and I bet it was convicted of political crimes. |
 Selenium-80 Perfect for a dirty bomb. Craigslist says no. And yet user TonyPozU is still allowed to post personal ads. |  Celine Dion - Falling Into You Free to a good home. Adopted by one of those industrial shredders used to break down whole cow carcasses. |
 Scrambled Eggs They were hot when I made them. You pay only shipping. I'll include that brown crust from the bottom of the skillet. |  Cadbury Creme Eggs Salmonella a concern of Craigslist, diabetes not a concern. |
 Paid Handjobs Yeah, you could do it better yourself, but it's so much fun when a stranger does it. Ruined by sanctimonious scolds and Attorneys General tired of Craigslist killers. |  Free Handjobs If you love something, set it free. If it comes back and gives you a handjob then it probably wasn't love, it was probably a creepy sex personal on Craigslist. |
 Giant Penis Bong It was funny the first time, at the party, but now you're smoking four bowls a day by yourself out of this thing. What were you thinking? Craigslist tried to save you from yourself. |  Giant Penis Dildo Rip your a-hole to pieces with this mega donk available used through Craigslist. The exact dimensions of a Russian artillery shell. |
 Cigarettes One of America's greatest cash crops. Don Draper's third favorite way to relax behind Old Fashioneds and trim. Cigarettes are way cool and so is everyone who smokes them. |  E-Cigarettes As heard on the Howard Stern Show! Danny Bonaduce and Jose Canseco love them. There is nothing cool about these glowing douchebag detectors, but at least it's not snus. |
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