Fall 2010 Syllabus

Instructor: Doctor, to you.
Phone: I will not answer.
Email: I will not respond.
Course Goals and Objectives:
By the end of the semester, every student is expected to receive each of the following from me:
  • Condescending and Critical Remarks regarding intelligence, appearance, and socioeconomic status.
  • Bold Lies regarding grades, due dates, and class expectations
  • Contradicting and Confusing lessons
  • Three Hundred Dollars of Debt
  • An F or Another Non-passing Grade.

Objectives will be completed through poorly explained assignments, dubious test questions, a variety of thick accents that range from central Africa, eastern Asia, Australia, and a Donald Duck impression, and photocopies of this quality:

Texts and Required Materials:
Unabridged Dictionary circa late 19th century,
Aladdin Tiger Handheld Electronics Videogame
And five additional books that cost fifty dollars and will not be used. (New Editions Required!)

Policies and Procedures:
Absences: Because tearing a person's self esteem down to nothing takes time, attendance is required for every class. There are no excused absences. Death of a family member or yourself is unfortunate but no reason to miss my lecture. In the common occurrence that I cancel class without notifying anyone, you are still expected to remain seated and silent throughout the class period. On the second absence (6%), no matter what the reason, students will fail the class.
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