Jamie Rutger is an amateur survival expert and he has survived 15 years in Michigan.

"If something doesn't kill you you get stronger."

- Fredrich Nietche

Preparedness is the key for preventing a disaster from turning into a catastrophe. When the shit, and I mean the real shit, goes down you may have only minutes or seconds to react. In this crucial window of opportunity every action you undertake may have ramifications for days and weeks to come. Your survival three months in the future may hinge on you making the right decisions in that critical moment.

You have to be ready for GO TIME.

  • Shit is going down.
  • It's bad.
  • Shit is bad.

Could be a natural disaster, could be man made. Your life is threatened and where you are is no longer safe. There is no way you could possibly in a million years plan for every scenario, but you can at least be ready for some of them.

Possible shit going down in your area:

  • Road Warrior shit - cars and dudes with chains. Huge muscle dudes who want to mess you up BAD.
  • Commando shit - somebody you love has been kidnapped and you have got to get them back. You can't just sit around.
  • Alien shit - this one is bad, hombres. Aliens. Superior technology. Why are they here? Who knows, but shit is going down.
  • Volcano - FUCK I knew that mountain was suspicious.
  • Flood -Water is everywhere. Could be a dam busted, could be too much rain, could be global warming. Whatever, you got to deal with it.
  • Fire - Like in Australia only times six. Or seven...
  • Economy - Money is worthless, you got to eat a robin in your yard. Comcast stops working. Pizza stops coming.
  • Zombies - Can happen as shown by stem cell science, but not covered here. See my previous GO TIME DIY dealing specifically with the undead (vampires, zombies, mummies, fast zombies, and Left 4 Dead zombies).

So shit is going down. You know it, which means it is GO TIME. You got to act to confront the problems at hand. What do you do?

a) Panic. Shit yourself and piss your pants like a baby and start crying (like a baby).

b) Call 911 and tell the cops to save you.

c) Ignore that shit.

d) Plan ahead.

Wrong! The correct answer is none of the above, because all of those things are retarded. You got to plan ahead, but you can't plan ahead during GO TIME there is too much shit going on! You got to do it in advance. You got to get ready, and I'll show you how.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful