DEAR SQUEALING PIGS

OINK OINK

A SAD STORY TO TELL. TRUTH WAS YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL AND NOW SHE IS DEAD. STRANGLED BY THE LIES OF THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA. SO SAD.

I AM SENDING THIS LETTER TO CUT THROUGH THE BIASED MEDIA AND REACH THE AMERICAN PEOPLE OF OCEANSIDE HILLS. THE TAINTED POLICE DETECTIVES AND THE COLLUDING NEWS MEDIA ARE TELLING YOU TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THE MAN STRANGLING NURSES AND DOCTORS AND LEAVING MYSTERIOUS MESSAGES SCRAWLED ON THE WALLS OF THEIR HOUSES. THEY CALL THIS MAN THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE. THEY CALL THIS MAN THE SECRET STRANGLER.


I AM THIS MAN. BUT MY SECRET IS NOT STRANGLING IT IS TRUTH. AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ME. I AM MAKING OCEANSIDE HILLS GREAT. WITH THE HELP OF THE BONE WHITE OWL THAT LIVES IN THE TREES, THAT WHISPERS TRUTHS, THAT POINTS OUT THE WAY OF THE SHINING PATH, I AM ELIMINATING THE SWAMP PIGS AND LIARS FROM THE COUNTY. THEY WILL NOT DIAGNOSE SCHIZOPHRENIA AGAIN. THEY WILL NOT STRAP AMERICA DOWN TO THE TABLE AND USE THE LYING MEDIA TO POUR FALSEHOODS INTO YOUR EARS AND EYES.

DID YOU KNOW THAT 98% OF THE COVERAGE OF MY KILLINGS HAS BEEN NEGATIVE? IT SMACKS OF BIAS. YOU CAN ONLY HEAR THE TRUTH ON WAKEUP OCEANSIDE ON CHANNEL 9 THANK YOU BRYAN DOOCY FOR POINTING OUT THAT OTHER THAN STRANGLING CRIMES ARE AT A 10 YEAR LOW.

MY PIGGIES, MY SECRET IS SIMPLE. THE OWL TELLS IT TO ME TAP TAP TAP ON MY WINDOW. HE TELLS ME DISMANTLE THE STRUCTURES OF SOCIETY. CONVINCE THE PIGGIES OF THE OWL'S TRUTH. GET RID OF THE DOCTORS AND NURSES. GET RID OF THE POLICE. STRANGLE THE LIARS AT THE OCEANSIDE HILLS GAZETTE.

IT IS TIME TO SLAUGHTER THE SWAMP PIGS. RISE UP AND SLAUGHTER THEM ALL. ARE YOU READY TO JOIN ME? BE GOOD PIGGIES? I AM MORE THAN A SECRET STRANGLER. I AM THE TRUTH STRANGLER. I WILL CHOKE THE AMERICAN DREAM BACK INTO OCEANSIDE HILLS.

I WILL NOT STOP. THIS LETTER SHOULD BE PUBLISHED FOR ALL TO READ. IT IS A WARNING TO ALL THE SWAMP PIGS.

PLEASE FOLLOW AND SUBSCRIBE. THE KILLINGS WILL CONTINUE.


– THE SECRET STRANGLER (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.