What's New in Porn: October 2007

Take a break from humor and jokes for a day to check out the latest and greatest in Internet porn from our sponsors:

Ms. Lustbottom

Young student Michael finishes his test early so he can spend his free time daydreaming about his sexy math teacher, Ms. Lustbottom. The only problem? Michael is daydreaming about being a moth at the same time!! A really big moth, like the size of a beagle, probing every inch of his teacher-turned-lover's body with his hairy antennae and legs! And she's into it!! She's so overtaken with pure pleasure that her only responses are, "Oh baby," and "You're so moth-like!" Check out the sample video!

Tiffany
We saw this babe standing out front of a Thai restaurant waiting for her friends to finish eating. Our man Ernie, who is a master and has seen this a thousand times, sidles up and delivers the classic, "Either you're too ugly to go in there, or you have a peanut allergy-- and babe, I know it's not the former." She smiles! Our master then forms a bond. "I used to know a guy with a peanut allergy. Well, not really know a guy, but my friend's dad got really sick one time." "Oh, really?" she says, totally hooked on him and his nine inch megamonster lurking beneath the surface! "Yeah, he was so sick his family had to buy him a wheelchair. They got one secondhand from some store, and the guy who used to own that wheelchair had a peanut allergy. Or maybe it was the guy at the store that sold them the wheelchair. Either way... No peanut butter, ever? Scary stuff." She's caught! Now back to our place to bang that whore from both ends!

Pat

We saw this Milf bitch hanging out on the Sidewalk waiting for a ride. We said climb up in the Bone Van bitch !! We drove around and got to know her a little Bit. We could tell from the wet spot in her pants that she was Hot to Trot. It was time to go back to the crib and get our mack on. 2 dudes at once, yeha Bitch !! "But first I gotta take care of something" she says and goes to the bathroom. Probably calling her boyfriend to say she'd be late, Right? WRONG !! She was Cloggin the Commode !!!! We heard flush after flush while this Frightened bitch tried to make the water go down. It Wasnt Happening ! Eventually we had to Bust in there and take care of it. Bigg pieces of Milf Turds everywhere !! She took off I guess she was embarrassed. All in a days work when you drive the Bone Van !!!

Also new this month from "This Van", Esmerelda:

We saw this slut walking out from the Laundromat and had to Check her out !! She was a fine 40 something with a body built for action if you know what Im sayin ! We loaded her into the van and started driving around trying to get to know her better but she wouldn't speak up. A little camera shy maybe. Then She starts speaking some kind of Russian or whatever and we're tryin to understand her but to us it just sounds like shes sayin "ICECHEST CRICKET" over and over. Leo (our driver) starts to get scared so then Matt starts to freak out and Im kinda startin to scream a little bit myself and before you know it were all kind of screaming at each other. Then at a stop sign she got out of the van with her laundry and started walking back toward the Laundromat and then when we closed the door everyone was like "whoa that was close" and Matt asked me if I was ok and I was like yeah and he was like "but you're breathing kind of heavy" and im like yeah dude lay off. You never know what youll find when you drive the Bone Van !!!

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• Many more from the producers of FYAD!

– Internet Porn Update (@fart)