We Get to Camp Out Every Day! by Ellie Corduroy
Two summers ago we got to put up tents and camp out for three days at Lake Shokakana and we did canooing and I rode a horse and megan was afraid of the horse. But this is EVEN BETTER!!! Me and megan and jimmy and mommy and daddy and grandma all get to camp out all the time!
It's not at lake shokakana its at the parking lot of a sears that closed. There are a whole bunch of families here. Some of them are really nice and some of them are scary.
We all camp out together and sometimes the policemen blow a whistle and come running in and spray foam on people and tear up the tents. But not daddy. His cell phone still works and his cousin is on the police so they call him before they drive in and beat campers with sticks. We take down our tent and put it in the car and drive to mcdonalds and I get to split a happy meal with megan and jimmy is little so he just has some french fries
Daddy says more and more people are going to camp with us. I hope there are more kids camping! I get to play games with kids there. Rianna is my friend at the sears campground and she showed me how you can open the back door at the sears and you can take a bath in the big sink in there. They have a room in there where people lay around all the time on mattresses and leave balloons and darts on the floor
Daddy thinks eventually the army is going to come and I hope so because I think the army is neat. I hope I can ride in a tank.
YOU CAN TRADE YOUR DOG FOR FOOD by Charles Washington
This is an on the scene report I made.
I had a dog. His name is buster. He is an irish sitter. He is brown and he loves to play.
My dog is a good dog and I love him. We couldnt live in our house anymore because a bank bought it. We went to a big building with no lights and it was scary. We live in a room inside and daddy has his gun all the time.
We eat ketchups and crackers and buster ate a rat. I was really hungry and so was mommy. Daddy said he will trade buster to a man he knows for food. mommy said she will get the oven ready and she lit a fire in a barrel. Some people came by and tried to grab her shirt and pants but she showed them daddys gun and they left.
then daddy came back all sweat and he had a garbage bag and inside there was whole lot of meat. daddy said it was special meat. there was brown hair on the meat so I helped mommy finish taking the hair off. mommy made fun burgers which are little hamburgers and you put them betweek two crackers
daddy didnt want to eat the funburgers at first for some reason but then he ate some
he made a choking sound but he ate it
I hope buster went to a good home and they play ball with him like he likes
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.